Here are two of my favorite coming-out stories I’ve heard about lately.

The Mayor of San Diego, Jerry Sanders, came out about his daughter the way most people come out the first time: trembling and determined. That is when you know you are doing the right thing: when you have weighed all the risks, yet none of them seem to justify remaining silent. Watch the video, if you haven’t already. I dare you to not shed a tear.

Loraine Barr wrote a “My Turn” essay for Newsweek to come out as lesbian — at the age of 88. She and her partner, who is no longer living, were together for 44 years. Can you imagine? Sharing your life with someone for 44 years and never telling even your closest friends?

The Orange County Register published the headline “At 88, Laguna Woods woman comes out.” The article covers much that the one-page essay in Newsweek could not — about Barr’s history with her partner, and the after-effects of the essay: the silence in her community, and the outpouring of support from strangers across the nation.

Thinking about coming out? Read my advice on the topic at FamiliesLikeMine.com.

Congratulations to Laura Smidzik who was honored tonight with the Brian Coyle Leadership Award at the HRC Twin Cities Dinner.

Laura recently served as Executive Director of Rainbow Families and her commitment to working with me and other adult queerspawn as colleagues lifted some significant barriers in our collaborative efforts. She leads by example in so many ways, among which is being open to listening to ideas and experiences that are not necessarily comforting to hear.

If you found my blog because of my JumboTron appearance tonight at the HRC dinner, welcome and thanks for searching me out! I was happy to share my reflections about Laura — with 1200 of her fans.

Quatrefoil Library (aka Q Library) is one of a few LGBT-specific libraries in the country. In the latest issue of the library’s newsletter, Karen Hogan, a longtime volunteer, offered her vision for where she sees Quatrefoil in ten years:

I see us in a bigger place…we will have a bank of computers, a coffee bar…we will host book clubs…Our Library will have more of a community feel and will be a gathering place — an alternative to the bars and political groups — that is also more than just books.

I also hope that my daughter is volunteering in 10 years. I hope that the Q can be a welcoming space for our queerspawn — to use Abigail Garner’s phrase for “culturally queer erotically straight” children of same-sex parents. I would like for these young adults to have a place at the Q.

Thanks Karen, for thinking about the long-term vision for your daughter and for all queerspawn. And thanks especially, for helping to push the idea into the collective consciousness.

The “Let California Ring” campaign has a very inspiring video online — with an equally inspiring soundtrack — to “start the conversation” among Californians about marriage equality.

Among the many powerful voices is Liam Cooper from the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center, who refers to himself as “a kid of same-sex parents.”

Watch the video here.

This blog, as my readers know, rarely strays from my specific topic of addressing the intersection of LGBT issues and family issues. This post is an exception. Kind of.

At the age of 16, I was part of a life-shaping experience called Peace Child. I traveled with fifteen U.S.ers (and one Canadian) to the republic of Kazakhstan (now it’s own country since the USSR no longer exists) and performed a musical about peace with 15 Kazakh teens. The U.S. version of Peace Child has since disbanded, but Peace Child International still has various projects, such as this one in Tokyo.

I say that this post is “kind of” off topic because my involvement with the peace movement as a teen was still very much linked to being queerspawn. Like many kids of LGBT parents, I grew up with a strong sense of social justice for everyone, not just LGBT communities. I might not have felt safe as a teenager speaking out about equality for my family, but that didn’t stop me from singing my heart out about reaching out with love, not fear. (One of the songs in the musical, in fact, is called “Reach Out with Love.”)

That said, I am looking forward to the upcoming 25th reunion in Washington DC on December 1, 2007. It is for all the tours over the years, and I am trying to contact these “missing” alumni from my Kazakhstan 1988 tour:

Jennifer Wedel of Minnesota
Erik Anderson (from San Diego, went to Harvard)
Eric Gilmore of Sacramento
Ramaa Mosley of Ojai
John Beard of Roanoke
Stacey Panas of Santa Rosa, California
Erin McKenna of Rochester NY
Chris Allen of Laguna Niquel, California

Unfortunately, I am only guessing at the transliteration of my old friends from Kazakhstan, and I am lacking many last names:

Gouhara Kasimjanova(?)
Alyona
Saida Yerjanova
Julia Manorava/Manarova(?)
Sasha
Ira Pyatnitskaya (Irina)
Nariman Bashiktenov
Volodia Byelov (”Bob”)
Noorlan Maldajonov(?)
Iona
Marina
Derek
Amir
Olga
Elena

I am taking advantage of my high-ranking in search engines with hope that my old friends will Google their own name or “Peace Child Kazakhstan” to find this page.

If you are one of these people, or know one of these people, please click on the “contact” button above to get in touch. Regardless of your interest/ability to meet up in DC in December, please contact me.

You can also sign up for the all-alumni mailing list.

Amber Davis Tourelentes is interviewed in Bay Windows about her portraits of LGBT families, which are currently on display in conjunction with the documentary, “Same Sex America.”

For Tourelentes, who is expecting her second child with her husband, the family project resonates personally. Raised in part by her gay father and his partner in the South End, Tourelentes, 37, says she doesn’t “have those pictures in my own family album.” So taking portraits of families headed by LGBT people is “one of these fantasies I got to live out,” she says.

Read the article:
A Family Affair
by Ethan Jacobs and Susan Ryan-Vollmar
Bay Windows
September 6, 2007

Here is the portrait Amber took of me and The Dads.

One of the many ways people from gay-parented families can make themselves visible is by writing a letter to the editor on an issue that affects them personally.

This letter is from today’s Burlington Free Press:

I am writing in response to the article “Commission members all support same-sex marriage” (Aug.12). House Speaker Gaye Symington and Senate President Pro Tem Peter Shumlin should be commended for forming the commission. Its members are tasked with listening to Vermonters, not to deliver their personal stance on marriage to the Legislature.

It was a good move to appoint a well-respected group of listeners to the commission and start conversation in Vermont communities instead of in the Statehouse. Everyday folks, for and against same-sex marriage rights, will have the opportunity to speak at the hearings.

As a Vermonter and a daughter of gay parents, I can say first-hand that treating my family as somehow lesser than other families is painful and wrong. I hope that some day families like mine are treated equally and fairly by Vermont laws. My family is worth the time and the conversation.

Ari Kisler
Northfield

Can’t say I’m a Science Fiction fan, but some of my readers are. One of those readers knew, that in my ongoing quest to find queerspawn “everywhere,” I would appreciate knowing about this book.

The Ethos Effect by L.E. Modesitt, Jr. (Tor, 2003)

The main character, Van, is talking to Emily when he casually mentions that another female character is in a relationship with a woman. Emily asks, “You don’t approve?”

Van laughed. “I had two fathers.”

“You?” After a moment, she added, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Mostly. My mother lived next door with her partner. But she was killed in a climbing accident…her partner moved, didn’t want to stay in the house.”

“I never would have guessed…” Emily shook her head. “And you?” She added quickly. “I’m sorry. That’s terribly rude. You certainly don’t–”

I think she’s about to say, you certainly don’t look seem gay. Or maybe, you certainly don’t seem like you have gay parents. Why do I think that’s what she’s about to say? Personal experience. Fortunately, Van interrupts her before she can finish her silly statement.

Van brushed off her demurral. “That’s all right. Although my fathers hoped, they never pressed, and, no, I don’t take after them that way. I only hope I do in [other ways] though.”

…my own nameplate.

Thank you, everyone, for your suggestions, job leads, and support while I was in career transition.

I just came across this Storycorps interview with Sue Hyde and her daughter, Jesse McGleughlin. Jesse, a high school freshman, talks about standing up to hurtful words among her peers, and how by speaking out about her family, she realized how she could influence people’s attitudes for the better.

Jesse’s words reflect those of many queerspawn old enough to articulate how their family experience has shaped them. In particular:

• Being sensitive to prejudice toward gay people and gay families leads to empathy for other identities that are vulnerable to prejudice.
• Being comfortable telling everyone in kindergarten about your family does not mean that it will feel the same when middle school rolls around.

Many new LGBT parents tend to think that their fearless outspoken four-year-old will always be that way. When they hear about children of gay parents becoming more cautious as they get older, these new parents look for factors that will make their own children’s experience “easier.” Too often they conclude that the parents are to blame: that they passed on internalized shame and homophobia to their children. This line of thinking asserts that their kids will sail through adolescence because their family is “out and proud.”

This interview illustrates how being out and proud does not insulate children of gay parents from the daily challenge of navigating homophobia when they are away from their out-and-proud family. For years, Sue Hyde has been a very visible staff member at a national LGBT organization. You can’t get more “out and proud” than that.

Listen to other interviews from the remarkably diverse and inclusive Storycorps Boston. A word of caution: don’t click over if you are short on time. It’s addictive.