One of the many ways people from gay-parented families can make themselves visible is by writing a letter to the editor on an issue that affects them personally.

This letter is from today’s Burlington Free Press:

I am writing in response to the article “Commission members all support same-sex marriage” (Aug.12). House Speaker Gaye Symington and Senate President Pro Tem Peter Shumlin should be commended for forming the commission. Its members are tasked with listening to Vermonters, not to deliver their personal stance on marriage to the Legislature.

It was a good move to appoint a well-respected group of listeners to the commission and start conversation in Vermont communities instead of in the Statehouse. Everyday folks, for and against same-sex marriage rights, will have the opportunity to speak at the hearings.

As a Vermonter and a daughter of gay parents, I can say first-hand that treating my family as somehow lesser than other families is painful and wrong. I hope that some day families like mine are treated equally and fairly by Vermont laws. My family is worth the time and the conversation.

Ari Kisler
Northfield

Can’t say I’m a Science Fiction fan, but some of my readers are. One of those readers knew, that in my ongoing quest to find queerspawn “everywhere,” I would appreciate knowing about this book.

The Ethos Effect by L.E. Modesitt, Jr. (Tor, 2003)

The main character, Van, is talking to Emily when he casually mentions that another female character is in a relationship with a woman. Emily asks, “You don’t approve?”

Van laughed. “I had two fathers.”

“You?” After a moment, she added, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Mostly. My mother lived next door with her partner. But she was killed in a climbing accident…her partner moved, didn’t want to stay in the house.”

“I never would have guessed…” Emily shook her head. “And you?” She added quickly. “I’m sorry. That’s terribly rude. You certainly don’t–”

I think she’s about to say, you certainly don’t look seem gay. Or maybe, you certainly don’t seem like you have gay parents. Why do I think that’s what she’s about to say? Personal experience. Fortunately, Van interrupts her before she can finish her silly statement.

Van brushed off her demurral. “That’s all right. Although my fathers hoped, they never pressed, and, no, I don’t take after them that way. I only hope I do in [other ways] though.”

…my own nameplate.

Thank you, everyone, for your suggestions, job leads, and support while I was in career transition.

I just came across this Storycorps interview with Sue Hyde and her daughter, Jesse McGleughlin. Jesse, a high school freshman, talks about standing up to hurtful words among her peers, and how by speaking out about her family, she realized how she could influence people’s attitudes for the better.

Jesse’s words reflect those of many queerspawn old enough to articulate how their family experience has shaped them. In particular:

• Being sensitive to prejudice toward gay people and gay families leads to empathy for other identities that are vulnerable to prejudice.
• Being comfortable telling everyone in kindergarten about your family does not mean that it will feel the same when middle school rolls around.

Many new LGBT parents tend to think that their fearless outspoken four-year-old will always be that way. When they hear about children of gay parents becoming more cautious as they get older, these new parents look for factors that will make their own children’s experience “easier.” Too often they conclude that the parents are to blame: that they passed on internalized shame and homophobia to their children. This line of thinking asserts that their kids will sail through adolescence because their family is “out and proud.”

This interview illustrates how being out and proud does not insulate children of gay parents from the daily challenge of navigating homophobia when they are away from their out-and-proud family. For years, Sue Hyde has been a very visible staff member at a national LGBT organization. You can’t get more “out and proud” than that.

Listen to other interviews from the remarkably diverse and inclusive Storycorps Boston. A word of caution: don’t click over if you are short on time. It’s addictive.

In the September 2007 issue of Out, Project Runway’s Tim Gunn wonders out loud about the story behind his hyper-masculine dad.

Advocate: So you didn’t grow up fixated on fashion?

Gunn: I was fixated on architecture and interiors, which of course had everybody worried. I had a really butch father — so butch I thought maybe he was a closet case. He was an FBI agent and a sports lover, and the only sport I could even participate in was swimming, because it was nice and clean and you didn’t sweat.

This response seemed ripe for a follow-up question. Oddly, there was none.

Kids with LGBT parents have posted their questions for the presidential candidates on YouTube. Some questions are about rights for their families, some questions are about other topics like peace and the environment.

Thanks to the visionary design/architectural skills of Dana Rudolph, (creator of Mombian) my original website, FamiliesLikeMine.com has a new look. “Answers from Abigail” has been integrated into the site as “Advice,” with simple interface for people to add comments.

Why the change? Well it’s not because I’m having second thoughts about my resignation — quite the opposite actually. The new version streamlines the information about the book in a low-maintenance format, so that people can still visit to learn about LGBT families, without requiring a big time commitment from me.

Check it out, and please contact me if you discover broken links or other glitches on the site that need my attention. It would be most helpful if you tell me what browser you are using so I can view and test issues exactly as you are seeing them. Thanks!

Additionally, Oversampled, my visibility project that highlights adult bloggers from LGBT families, has also been re-done. The improvements for Oversampled include a new header and new formatting to make it very clear to newcomers who has written what. Every blogger on the Oversampled roster has one or more LGBT parents. Be sure to pass along this site when you discover bloggers who could be added!

I have recently learned about two plays that include adult children of gay or lesbian parents.

“Fading to Grey” is about the 25th anniversary of a gay couple, and includes an adult son of one of the men — a result of a one-night stand. I am not yet able to find a review for it online. It premiered last month at Cherry Lane Studio Theatre in NYC as part of the LGBT “Fresh Fruit Festival.” It is now running in Minnesota at Mounds Theatre through August 19th. (Ticket info here.)

[UPDATE 8/18/2007: Playwright Richard Pettey contacted me to draw my attention to this online review.]

“Two Thirds Home” (July 26-August 12 in NYC) is about two grown sons having to face the sticky situation of dividing their mother’s assets with her partner after their mother dies. Like many adult children, their relationship to their mother’s partner was that of a distant step-parent at best, and not nearly as tidy as the community short-hand habit of saying these men have “two moms.”

Bonus queerspawn discovery: In the review for Two Thirds Home, the critic Duncan Pflaster, writes:

As a child of a lesbian myself, I assumed there would be a few elements I could identify with more than others might, but this is certainly accessible to anyone- actually, probably more accessible to people who haven’t met real lesbians.

And so, the reviewer (and playwright) Duncan Pflaster will be linked to my growing roster of adult children at Oversampled.net.

While the review describes the play as “two thirds excellent” gay families who never see the play can still learn from the lesson it explores: Get your paperwork in order before it is too late. Save your children the pain of hashing it out with legal and non-legal survivors after you are gone.

As a result of yesterday’s emergency, after which concerned people were sending me messages and waiting for a reply, it was brought to my attention that my contact form has not been behaving dependably.

I have since tested and re-tested the contact form and it looks like it’s back on track. I have no idea how many messages I may have missed.

I am not sure how long this has been an issue. To be certain I’ve received your message, if you tried contacting me in the past few weeks, please send again.

Thanks, everybody, for thinking of me, making sure I am safe.

I was not near the tragedy this evening on the bridge in Minneapolis. Please send your thoughts and energy to the families who have been affected.