Jun 2nd, 2008
Not really an issue…until it is an issue.
This blog post is written in honor of “Blogging for LGBT Families Day” as a reminder that being outspoken always carries a risk — even when you think you are over all the hurdles of coming out. Even when you think you are as out as you can be. Even when you are certain it is a non-issue.
This Spring, I left my job for the freedom to blog for LGBT Families.
Many of you know I was job hunting last summer, and was thrilled to be hired by an organization that I believed had full awareness of my queerspawn convictions. Three months after my start date, however, higher-ups informed me that my blog had been “discovered.” (I have never thought of my blog as “hidden.”)
I was not receptive to the recurring suggestions of what I might want to do in order to make my online content inaccessible to the public. This tension resulted in a shift in my workplace climate that was at once unbelievable and heartbreaking. I was not fired; there was nothing in my work performance to justify that. But I knew it was a matter of time before the stress would adversely affect my work performance, so I chose to resign before it got to that point.
Here’s my resignation letter:
Dear [supervisor]:
I am resigning from my position as Gift Officer at the College of St. Catherine, effective on or before April 18, 2008.* I am unable to make sense of the contradictory messages I am experiencing at an institution that publicly boasts supporting social justice for marginalized communities, when at the same time, you are asking me to suppress my open support regarding an issue of social justice.
I entered employment at the College after reviewing every word of the employee handbook. I conducted my due diligence to make sure my identity of being a member of a gay family and my writing about that experience would be a “non-issue.” I believed it was, but everything changed soon after Archbishop Nienstedt wrote a commentary in the Catholic Spirit criticizing people who are supportive of same-gender partnerships. I had believed that you hired me because of my work history, not despite it. But suddenly you were referencing Nienstedt’s column and informing me that by maintaining my blog I was “promoting homosexual behavior” which was “offensive to the Catholic Church” and therefore a conflict of interest with my work for the College. Just two months previously, with your permission I was speaking to students in a sociology class at St. Kate’s because my book, Families Like Mine, was a required text on their syllabus.
I appreciated the very thorough and thoughtful evaluation you gave me for my 6-month performance review earlier this week. It is reassuring to know you have confidence in my work as a fundraising professional for the College. I was delighted when I successfully secured a million dollar commitment within two months of being hired, and I had looked forward to many years with the College to help raise millions more.
My follow-up questions to you during my review, however, revealed to me that my blog is still perceived as a very real threat to the future stability of the College. I have heard from you that this situation is causing great distress not just to you and [the Vice President], but also to the Senior Vice President as well as the President. [The Vice President] also informed me that Human Resources supported her decision to discuss this issue with me.
I started my position inspired by the College’s message of social justice, which the campus regularly declares, reaffirms, and celebrates. Justice, by its very definition, is for everyone. That commitment should not falter because of increased fear, or because of added scrutiny, or because the marginalized group includes gays and lesbians. I submit this resignation to honor my family, to honor my community, and to honor my lifetime commitment to publicly supporting justice for all.
Sincerely,
Abigail Garner
* I submitted this letter on April 4, but I was told to leave by the end of that very day. My departure left some colleagues and donors mystified by my sudden disappearance, as it is not in my nature to cut and run without saying goodbye.
====
This letter is shared in honor of “Blogging for LGBT Families Day.” Visit the official page at Mombian.com to learn about all the bloggers who are speaking out today.
[...] Damn Straight: Not really an issue … until it is an issue [...]
Sorry to hear that. I know you had to work long and hard to find a job after decided to leave activism full time.
It saddens me that your employer asked you to take down your blog and website.
Please don’t let this discourage you. I am quite sure that you’ll find another place of employment.
Hey Abigail,
You rock. Mick Jagger ain’t got NOTHIN’ on you, cos it takes some serious balls to come out and make a statement like that, especially when it concerns such an iconic Twin Cities feature like St. Kate’s. I am so proud of you right now. SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU!
You have my support 100% of the way. Without a doubt.
It’s absolutely insane.
Wow. My whole body feels like crying from my toes to my head.
I really admire your ability to be an activist through and through.
Nice job, Abigail. I salute you. It is very well done.
I’m really glad you did this.
Good for you - I hope this gets a lot of attention. I am still so upset by this pattern at the college.
I love the post. It is so full of integrity and logic - it makes the whole process of your departure seem even more insane.
Having gone to a very ‘out’ school and having many life-long friends who either grew up in a gay family or are starting their own, I feel quite passionate about this. I am very discouraged by the direction St. Kate’s seems to be heading, along with the Archdiocese… back to the dark ages of shame and scrutiny that screwed up the lives of a lot of wonderful human beings. I hope the pendulum doesn’t swing too far.
Hey Abigail,
Thanks for this thoughtful post. It really shows how very quickly an environment can change when someone with power is vocally unsupportive of social justice issues.
The fact that they made you leave that same day is kind of unbelievable (not that I don’t believe it — I do). It is SO their loss, and not yours, though I’m sure the whole experience caused you a lot of grief and heartache.
Good luck finding more work and way to keep fighting for all of us and not backing down. You are my hero!
Much love,
Jesse
[...]Abigail Garner writes about her (now former) employer’s attempts to suppress her blog[...]
Abigail,
I’m so sorry you had to have this experience. I was fired once for “being gay in a public way” and no matter how deeply you know they are wrong and you are right, it still hurts. On the other hand, you have every reason to be proud of yourself. The hypocrisy of institutions that seek justice for some and respect for the humanity of some and equal rights for those who are inoffensive must be challenged.
I have often wanted to invite the individuals who act on behalf of such institutions to “remove the log” from their own eye so that they might “see more clearly to remove the speck from their brother’s eye.” Be comforted, however. We are assured that the measure they give will be the measure that they receive. I suspect that they will fall short of that measure.
What an incredibly brave resignation letter. Talk about speaking truth to power. Your parents must be extremely proud.
abigail you are an inspiration to me.
[...]Here is a list of my favorites so far…Damn Straight: Not really an issue[...]
Your letter was very inspiring.
I have loved it there, but the under-the-rug attitudes about homosexuality really shocked and hurt me. I feel like they’ve got to open up a bit, but I’m glad you addressed the Archbishop stuff- that just makes me…scared, really.
I have serious mixed emotions about my daughter attending St. Kate’s - I’ve never subscribed to the Catholic doctrine and certainly don’t buy into their beliefs about tolerance (or should I say intolerance). They simply offered the most money, and I can be bought. Sad but true.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and telling the truth. I like to think I’d have done the same thing.
[...]or brought home the cost of homophobia and discrimination, not just to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people, but to our families[...]
If I were still writing my agnostic blog, I’d be linking to this post and raving about it. Unbelievable. So now you don’t even have to actually be gay; you just have to be in favor of justice for all to harm the Catholic Church. Man, for such a venerable institution it sure is finicky. Who knew that little ol’ Abigail Garner could actually threaten an institution that’s been around for millennia? Remind me not to get on your bad side!!
xoxo
yr favorite prettyboy
Wow, I am so sorry to hear about this. I wish I could say I am surprised but I am not. I think your blog is completely professional and I don’t recall reading anything there that ever crossed the line between your official job at the college and your activism.
Good luck with this next phase. I am sorry to hear that St. Kate’s behaved so poorly.
You have and always will inspire and challenge people - you have a gift and I am proud to have worked with you for those six months.
I am so happy that the silence is broken…
Wow! Don’t ever lose your voice.
Wow, big news! That sucks :-(
Your letter was brilliantly written, though — what craziness they subjected you to!
Wow, Abigail — I’m so sorry, but so proud of you, too.
I found out about your resignation letter by following a link on the blog “Mighty Red Pen” and not from any of the folks I know at St. Kate’s.
Thanks for an amazing conversation with you one afternoon which must have been just before this resignation.
Persevere.
Julie
Wow. I’m really sorry you lost your job, and in such a horrible way, but kudos to you for your courage and honour.
Wow…I’m just stunned. Seems that my gay tuition money is green enough for them. I won’t be so charitable when the alumni association comes calling.
Put your stellar talent to work for a better organization.
– Librarian-in-training
[...] Garner of Damn Straight, who spent many years as a full-time advocate for children of LGBT families, writes of the recent [...]
I have always admired how you remain true to your convictions and beliefs. There is never a question of your integrity or where you stand on things because you approach situations, issues from a place of honesty. HANG IN THERE.
Abigail,
I’m so sorry to hear it. You did the right thing, but - ugh, Catholics. I was raised one, & while I’ve met many Catholics who are LGBTQ welcoming - privately I think most are, to be honest - the way my mother always explained it to me (like when I announced I wanted to be a priest when I was 9, & couldn’t, because I was female) was something along the lines of there being a huge difference between the Church on Earth and the Church in Heaven. Think Plato’s allegory of the cave, if you would: The Church in Heaven is the model, The Church on Earth a human, and so flawed, reflection.
Church administrators are, as much as they’d rather not admit it, human and flawed and so potentially bigoted, just as anyone is. Real grace isn’t easy to achieve. So often when you deal with the institution that is the Church, you find people who are not secure enough in their faith to be as fully loving as they aim to be.
Fondly,
Helen
Ugh. That really sucks. I’m sorry that you had to experience that.
But hey, if you’re not busy, you could always raise a million for me… I could really use the money. 8^)
Oh my gosh, Abigail, I am in tears of both rage and sorrow over this mind-boggling turn of events. I had had such respect for St. Kate’s prior to this — respect for (what I perceived to be) their liberalism, their involvement in social issues and social justice, their long history of participation in the peace movement, and their acceptance of GLBT students — this latter point driven home to me by the fact that every woman I know who graduated from St. Kate’s is a lesbian. :-) I have no words for how disappointed I am to hear that there is another, much darker side to this college. God DAMN. GOOD for you for writing that VERY eloquent letter, and shame on them for their reaction to it. And I hope better things come your way, because you deserve them, as always. AND — if it makes you feel any better — the reason I had to make MY blog private was that one of MY employers discovered it, was furious that I’d written about problems and frustrations I was having with them, and fired me right then and there.
So. I understand the blog vs. work conflict intimately.
Onward, I say — for both of us. You rock. Don’t let anyone take that away from you, ever.
Abigail,
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin
Miss you!
I find myself dumbfounded. The sheer stupidity of St. Kate’s is overwhelming. To say that depriving themselves of your talent is self-defeating doesn’t begin to describe the situation they’ve created. I can’t tell you how disappointed I am in St. Kate’s (as a former Tommy who held out hope because there WAS a St. Kate’s that seemed to represent the opposite, and the possibilities for Catholic institutions.)
I’m so sorry that this has happened. I hope you are doing well and finding even better professional options.
Abigail, I’m inspired by your example, your integrity, your witness to the world.
I read your letter of resignation with great sadness.
As clearly stated in “For the Bible Tells Me So” the churches are the problem and they should be embarrassed about the hypocrisy they perpetuate in the name of Christianity.
All the best - I will read more of your blog.
I find it terribly offensive how St. Kate’s had talked out of both sides of their mouth. You were invited to speak in class and the college speaks so openly about justice and ethics and whatnot, yet they drove you out of your job? It seems so contradictory…I don’t even have the words for it. You’d think at the very least they would “look the other way” considering the donations you had already pulled in. Are you following up with the university in any way?
–daughter of a bi mom
Sent via an email to Abigail’s Dad:
I have bookmarked it and sent it to some friends. It made me cry (not hard to do)! It is so amazing to see her devotion, dedication, loyalty, etc to you and Russ and the meaning of your lives. And to leave her job on principle like that – I don’t know if I have that much courage.
I will be interested in how my kids view this news from Abigail – especially her act of courage in standing up against her employer.
Thanks for sharing that.
I would agree that in this day and age there’s no reason to go into the closet. Used to be… But now there are enough great employers that it is just as well to stick to them and leave the others. They lose lots of talent that way.
I’m sure you’ll land somewhere great once the masters is finished.
I’ve heard nothing but scary news since the Catholic leadership in this community has shifted. (I have friends who attend St. Joan’s for instance…)
I am so heartened to see that a number of Staff Katies responded as well as a Theology grad! One of the things I have thought of is the fact that alumni will hear about this and that so many of us know each other. There is something beyond us at work here…
Here’s to the future. I know there is hope.
[...] of homosexuality makes her upcoming appearance pretty ironic. Especially since I recently resigned from the College over this issue, and among the many places Etheridge has generously lent her voice to promote [...]
I am the lesbian parent of a daughter who has enjoyed (and been liberated, I think) by knowing you through public events and occasionally by e-mail. She recently sent me your April 4 letter and I also feel utterly mystified by the Catholic church’s mixed messages.
This is the most beautiful letter I’ve ever read. Sincere, honest, eloquent, and such a huge bummer. Keep on blogging.
Abigail,
We haven’t met, but I used to work at St. Kates. I heard about your situation from numerous CSC colleagues who were appalled at what happened to you.
It makes me sad that “they” — and we know who all the “theys” are — got this so wrong. Everyone of them is better than that, and that they acted so small, and with so little courage is just shameful. I’m sorry for your experience. I only hope that the institution and the people involved might eventually see the terrible error they made. and grow from it.
Well congrats and cheers to you on regaining your liberty and integrity. I can certainly understand the impossibility of working in the closet and am sorry for the frustration, pain, confusion and anger it must have generated. So glad you got out.
I read your letter which brought me to tears. I cannot tell you how proud I am of you and how brave you are. You stand as a great example to others and I am so glad that you continue to share your story.
B-Gail, I don’t even know what to say. The joy I took in reading your letter, which is like a great left-hook to the freaking face, is tempered by my sense of exhaustion that in the year 2008 we’re STILL dealing with B.S. like this, and that the Catholic Church, which does so many great things, a true moral voice on issues of peace and poverty, is apparently going to hold on to their millennia of pointless bigotry to the bitter end.
Always darkest before the dawn, insert other cliches here, but in all seriousness I feel a sense of hope surrounded by the kids. Because the demographics are trending away from bigotry. It’s not even that they’re “pro-gay” (whatever that means), it’s better. It’s that they just don’t give a sh*t. To them it’s like “oh, you’ve got dyed green hair. Cool, whatever.” So look to the kids B-gail, look to the kids!