Jun 1st, 2007
We’re here. We’re queerspawn. Where do we belong?
In April I delivered the keynote address at the Rainbow Families conference. It was a fitting coda to the end of my spokesperson tenure, since my journey basically began at the first Rainbow Families Conference in 1995. (Unfortunately, I have yet to secure new employment — job leads and professional contacts always welcomed!)
For Blogging for LGBT Families Day, I decided to share an excerpt from my keynote address, “We’re here. We’re queerspawn. Where do we belong?”
This excerpt (divided into two video posts on YouTube) addresses how LGBT communities must change — in mindset and in practice — in order to engage, rather than alienate, queerspawn after they “age out.”
Part One:
Part Two:
If you can’t or don’t want to spend the 9+ minutes watching the excerpt, here are my main points, distilled for your skimming pleasure:
1) Don’t refer to people of LGBT parents as “allies.” You can’t very well be an “ally” to something you are already part of…and to suggest otherwise is alienating and insulting. (See related post: Straight Queerspawn = Allies?)
2) Encourage and increase the visibility of second generation people. It is not uncommon for me to meet very-out LGBT people who are in the closet about also having LGBT parents. Why is this wisdom, this history, this truth being suppressed and ignored in our very own LGBT community? (See related article: Second Generation: LGBT Kids of LGBT Parents)
3) Lighten up on the interrogation and rankings. Any queerspawn entering queer space gets peppered with questions as if to determine how much “cred” they have or how deserving they are be involved with the LGBT community. Queerspawn cred is typically measured by criteria that is completely out of our control: how old we were when a parent came out, if our parents were out before they became parents, how well our parents have maintained long-term partnerships, etc. It’s not fair to assume that the narrative of LGBT parents’ journey about being out — nor that their involvement LGBT community — reflects their children’s identity/experience, and vice versa.
4) Treat adult queerspawn as adults, rather than as perpetual adolescents. The resistance of LGBT parents to accept adult queerspawn as ADULTS — as peers to LGBT parents — freezes the LGBT family community in an unhealthy and non-productive parent-child dynamic.
Curious to know more? Read my book: Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is.
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This post is in honor of Blogging for LGBT Families Day. For more information about the event and how to get involved, visit Mombian.com.
Related Posts:
Entry for Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2006: What it’s like to be a queerspawn.
Commentary: Queered by Family, Queerspawn by Choice
[...] Damn Straight: We’re here. We’re queerspawn. Where do we belong? [...]
I watched your keynote address – it was excellent and I wanted to clap and cheer along with your audience but it wasn’t very prudent to do so at 2 AM, I’m afraid! ;) It brought a huge smile to my face.
Great post, Abigail. I enjoyed the speech.
Just had time to read the main points. Abigail, you have been a tremendous contributor to the movement and to my own thought process over the years. As an adult 2nd gen about to have a baby of my own, I have truly benefitted from your insights and hope that I can retain them as I enter the sleepless period of early parenting. Good luck in your new endeavors!
I just have one question: Where the heck did the term “queerspawn” come from….It kind skeeves me out. It’s not like I burst from her chest, and I don’t have acid for blood. My mom was a lesbian, and I my teenage years were spent raised be her and her partner of 10 years.
Your Rainbow Families keynote address was wonderful! Talk about moving the conversation forward. Well done!
[...] Abigail Garner at Damn Straight shared the video of her keynote address at the Rainbow Families Conference in April. She also extracted her four main points, which I’ve further summarized: 1) Don’t refer to people of LGBT parents as “allies.” You can’t very well be an “ally” to something you are already part of — and to suggest otherwise is alienating and insulting. [...]
[...] are some of her highlights from a recent talk she gave to LGBT parents at the Rainbow Families Conference. You can read more on her blog. 1) [...]
You were FABULOUS at Rainbow families………hope you can value how impt your message was.
[...] Excerpted video from my keynote at the 12th Annual Rainbow Families Conference. [...]
[...] Blogging for LGBT Families Day, 2007: We’re Here. We’re Queerspawn. Where do we belong? [...]