Nov 24th, 2006
This was a serious inquiry
From a college student in Virginia:
I have recently been given an opinion paper assignment on gay-marriage.
I have one question, that I could not locate in your website. How do most LGBT individuals identify religiously? I realize that there is a world of struggle for “marriage” rights and equality, and as I’ve understood it, marriage is largely centered around religion. But a large number of religions shun gay individuals. How do gay people feel about the “civil union” process and, to them, what is the difference between that and marriage. Please help me to clear my ignorance. Thank you in advance for helping me to understand.
I share this email with you as an example of how queer communities and allies cannot take for granted that basic information about LGBT people is getting through to unrelated straight people. In this case, a person who is open to learning about the issues has acquired false information from elsewhere. In this case, her misinformation is the notion that being gay means you join one particular religion.
I referred her to my collection of links to various LGBT groups connected to specific religions.
I also included this in my response:
There is no single or main religion for LGBT people and their families. Nor is there a single community view about civil unions. But it would be safe to assume that those people who are religious would like their relationships blessed in the eyes of their G-d in addition to the legal contract of marriage, and those who do not feel connected with a religion would like the more that 1000 rights and responsibilities that are automatic with marriage.
Do you know what those 1000+ rights are? I’d be pressed to find any straight person who actually knows all the rights they instantly gain by entering into the legal contract of marriage. So why should straight people be allowed to vote on whether gay people can enter into a contract when they themselves don’t even know what is in that contract?
“But it would be safe to assume that those people who are religious would like their relationships blessed in the eyes of their G-d in addition to the legal contract of marriage, and those who do not feel connected with a religion would like the more that 1000 rights and responsibilities that are automatic with marriage.”
i disagree. i’m second-generation queer and second-generation uninterested in marriage as an institution.
of course it’s ridiculous for certain people to be allowed to marry and then get tax breaks, visitation rights at hospitals, all the trappings of legal marriage - and for others to not be able to access those rights.
but legal marriage itself is ridiculous. what does the government have to do with love? i’m all for love, all for having parties to celebrate love, all for finding names for those you love. but ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ are pretty limiting, and so are the ideas we have about what marriage looks like.
“fuck marriage. let’s make it up as we go along.”
- t-shirt slogan
many lgbtq individuals and families prioritize fighting gender-based violence, institutionalized homophobia and transphobia inherent in our government’s laws, being recognized as more than just folks with an eye for fashion or a straight man’s sex fantasy. second-parent adoption is a priority for many queer parents. making transitioning [sex and gender changes] more accessible is a priority for transgendered/transsexual folks and our friends. others of us prioritize universal health care, an end to the war in iraq, many things - they all affect lgbtq people just as much as they do anyone else - and until everyone has affordable healthcare, it doesn’t matter who does. we’re only as rich as the poorest of the poor, sings phil ochs. there will always be someone who can’t marry someone else - so why should anyone marry anyone? why don’t we truly challenge our ideas of love and commitment and family, challenge our ideas about everything, and start over - make it up as we go along?
I wrote my response in the context of her question regarding those who want to get married but can’t. I fully recognize that not all people in relationships want to be married. I am already on record as challenging marriage equality as an effective movement strategy and expressing my ambivalence about the institution.