Abigail Garner
Nov 6th, 2006
Nov 6th, 2006
Article in alternative U of M newspaper
I was just notified by a reader of The Wake that the weekly alternative newspaper published this article about my presentation at the University of Minnesota for National Coming Out Day.
I was not familiar with the paper, nor did I know a reporter was in the room. Rachel Drewelow wrote a solid, well-rounded piece. I am particularly tickled by the headline.
(FYI, I’m not in the photo they ran…I think it’s more of a generic image to illustrate Ms. and Ms. Average American Lesbian Mom.)
Abigail, chill out on the “generic” lesbian-mom bashing. I am a big fan of your site and your perspective. I’m also a lesbian mom. Being a member of a sexual minority, and now raising a child who will also be in sexual minority in many ways, has made me open to hearing excluded voices, like yours. I’m doing whatever I can do forestall and deal with the prejudice my daughter will face living in a heterosexist and sometimes homophobic world. I support the right of queerspawn to shape their own individual identities and am excited to see how my daughter shapes hers. I’m not that thrilled about facing unnecessary hostility –including derisive stereotyping as “generic”–from within the queer community. I’m not your enemy–conservatives, homophobes, haters, and maybe people who want to lock you and your parents in pre-set categories are your enemies. We’re on the same team.
Becky:
I can’t pretend to understand how describing an image as “generic” would be a form of lesbian-mom bashing.
It is not uncommon for articles covering my work to run with a photo the editors have on file (or a photo they can find from a stock photo service) of two people of the same gender and a young child to represent all queer families. When editors do that, it is inevitable that I receive a bunch of curious emails asking me questions about the photo: is that you as a child? Which mom are you? Or questions about who the family is, if I am related to them, and why that particular family was chosen.
The staff at The Wake chose an uncaptioned photograph of two unidentified women and a child to illustrate the article. Since the paper offered no explanation of who the people in the photo were, my FYI was in anticipation of those questions.
When I read the language it was a bit confusing and suggested lumping us together in a way that didn’t feel right but, okay, I see the intention clearly now. I guess since reading about the slighting of queerspawn on this site I’ve been wanting to make a point. Some of us parents, partly due to books/blogs like yours, are aware of issues kids in queer families face and will keep struggling within ourselves and with others to address them. Issues like pressure from the community to produce straight progeny so we all look “normal,” pressure for our kids to be psychologically completely healthy so haters can’t criticize us for producing deviants, and inclusion of kids of queer families in queer culture. We were brought up in a homophobic society and have to unlearn certain things. This seems a big task for me–my daughter’s two so I have time to take it on. It’ll take time, learning, and listening, and I’m sure I’ll have to ask for her patience with me. This has gone far afield but I’ll just put it out there. Keep up the good work.