One of my biggest complaints about the “debates” about gay-parented families is how when the children themselves speak up, they are largely ignored, and everyone with their politically or religiously charged rhetoric continues to barrel through, and the conversation quickly spirals off onto tangents that are so far removed from the reality of the children.

This happens so often: on web forums, on call-in radio shows, in the State of the Union Address, at the Thanksgiving dinner table, in coffeehouse conversations, etc. etc.

Now I have my very own case study on my blog to illustrate my point.

It’s striking that the anti-gay commentators make no acknowledgment that they are posting on a blog that is written by a daughter of gay dads. It makes me wonder if they even bothered to look into that?

And it’s astonishing to read comments from straight people who are shocked that there are people who hold such anti-gay opinions. I’m more shocked that they find this shocking. Is the typical straight-but-not-narrow individual this disconnected with the reality of homo-hostility that gay families endure? To me it’s not shocking at all…just tiresome…but then again, I’ve been the recipient of these sorts of judgments and unsolicited lectures every day of my life since I was five years old. I might say I’m “used to it” — but does anyone ever get “used to” being told that your caring parents have made you damaged goods?

I think it’s appropriate that Pinky, a daughter of gay dads, (comment directly above this one) have the last word, since readers on “both sides” of this discussion need to keep in mind that while you debate as if this is all hypothetical — the children are acutely aware of your discussion.

Children of gay parents are not hypothetical. We exist. Commenters on this post have made it clear to Pinky and other kids with gay parents who read this blog that a one-second acknowledgment of families like hers is cause for some people to forever shun the company that dare validate her existence.

Homo-hostile people get so caught up in the “what’s best for the children” rhetoric that they don’t even think about how hurtful that rhetoric is to the children already in these families.

I won’t continue to add to a comment string that has so clearly disregarded those who matter most.

In pride,
Abigail Garner
Author of Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is

That commercial is beautiful. I thought it was the best commercial I’ve ever seen & to see so many people take offense at is is disgusting. I swear… can’t you all just see the beauty in thing instead of hating us for who we are.

In my family I AM the little asian girl & to see that picture finaly up for the public makes me happy, happy to see that families aren’t just a mother, father, daughter & son. Do you know what it feels like going into school & being bashed because the homophobia of the children’s parents have rubbed off on them? It shouldn’t be that hard for anyone.

I think it would be perfect if commercials started getting more open like this, so that children aren’t so shocked. Just, please, accept it. I hope that more commercials like this come out.

I love my dads.

The message of the ad is pretty simple: fun, bright colors, love, optimism, caring, families … what’s not to like?

I have had this arguement with friends of mine who are single parent and gay parent families. But my arguement does not mandate that those influences need to be from someone who lives in the household. Many people credit everyone from coaches to teachers to being the most influential people in their lives. I think it should be an absolute priority of the single or gay parent to find that man or woman, to be a positive influence and support system during the raising of that child.

But Nathan, it is ridiculous to think that we can only pick up relationship skills from our parents. Frankly, with divorce rates hitting close to 60% it is not even a good idea. My two straight parent home actually taught me some very bad habits when it comes to relationships. I don’t know to many men that have learned all they need to know about relationships and women from their dads. lol!

I hope you share the same concern for the kids who live in all white neighborhoods, go to all white schools and churches. How are those kids supposed to function when faced with diversity? Shouldn’t those parents be responsible for introducing their kids to other cultures and environments?

You really need to give gay people and kids more credit. Gay people are just trying to live, love and contribute to society in the ways every human being should have the right to do. With the negative opinions on this site and else where, don’t you think a gay family would do everything in their power to encourage a straight life for their child? Trust me, gay people are not trying to build a village and then take over the world. But they are human beings who are just as capable to raise healthy kids in a healthy environment.

If your opinions are not based on hate or ignorance, and your concern is REALLY for the children, then why not help instead of judge. Gay people, gay families and their children aren’t going anywhere and as our society continues to advance and grow you will be hearing and seeing more them. How can you be a positive influence, instead of a negative one? Couldn’t you be the positive man or woman influence to help that child or family that is missing one?

Again, I agree a child needs influence from both sexes, but also from different ages, races, cultures and backgrounds. We should all be willing to contribute our hearts, experience and minds to families of all kinds, to prepare the next generation for the generations to come.

I understand that parents are screwed up straight, gay, transexual, whatever. People are messed up. But I want the best for children, and taking one more positive influence away from them isn’t improving their chances for sucess. I’m not saying gay people aren’t loving to children, but children need influence from both sexes. Period.