Sep 18th, 2006
Passing on Queer Family Values
A married husband and wife in Ottawa chose to “come out” in the press about being part of a non-traditional family, and their support for marriage equality. They are biologically connected to two gay families they helped create. Heather Jopling was the surrogate for two men, and David Hoare was the sperm donor for two women.
In the family way
Janice Kennedy, The Ottawa Citizen
Sunday, September 17, 2006
It’s one big, noisy, extended family, says Jopling, a rainbow of happy diversity that has come to feel like the most natural thing in the world. “My daughter doesn’t know that there’s anything different about her family,” she says, smiling.
Where did a straight couple get such open ideas about defining family? Here’s a clue:
Hoare’s parents split up when his mother, an Anglican priest, came out as a lesbian. She and her partner, along with Hoare’s father and his new partner — who have introduced Jamaican and Filipino influences into the family portrait — have provided Jopling with three wonderful mothers-in-law, she says, and extended Rissa’s grandparental range.
Oddly, this information is in parenthesis in the article, suggesting that while it is an interesting aside, it’s not integral to the story. I disagree. Knowing first-hand how lesbian or gay people raise children definitely influences a straight person’s belief that gay parenting can be successful. When the parents are your own parents, the influence is all the stronger. The fact that the donor for a future queerspawn is himself a queerspawn is significant and should have been included sans parenthesis.
Hi there Abigail. Saw that you read our story from the Ottawa Citizen. I agree, that parenthesizing the portion about David’s mother, didn’t acknowledge his own family dynamic as it could have. We’ve had lots of positive response to the article.
We had a great book launch in our small town last night and hope that buzz will get our books into the hands of people who will enjoy them.
Heather
Thanks for this link. This family is really inspiring.
My partner has been a sperm donor for two different couples. Both couples are very close friends of his. When we were first together, I was a little confused about whether to consider these kids (and their moms, and their siblings) part of our family or not.
This is the conclusion I’ve come to: biology is only a small part of what makes someone family. I do consider one of the kids my family because I’ve spent a lot of time with her and because I love her. The fact that she looks a lot like my partner deepens the relationship, but it’s only the icing on the cake. The other kid I’ve only met once. I hope some day I’ll get to spend more time with him, and I’d be happy if he came to feel like family. But he’s not family just because my partner was his donor.
I don’t know many folks with families like ours, so I don’t always feel like I have the right language to define my relationships. I’m very happy to find this site.