Jun 16th, 2006
On Gay Fathers / For Father’s Day
“On Father’s Day, I can celebrate gift of two dads”
I originally wrote that commentary for Progressive Media Project in 2004, but sadly, it remains applicable, especially in light of recent debates about a national marriage amendment.
At Two World Collision, Eric reflects on his parents’ marriage (his father was gay and in a “Brokeback Marriage”) and the impact on Eric becoming a gay man who chooses to be out about his sexuality. Eric asks:
What is it exactly that opponents of gay marriage would have me do? Marry a woman while sacrificing both of our happiness and ultimately ending up divorcing each other anyway[?] Yeah, that’ll preserve the institution of marriage.
This year for Father’s Day, Progressive Media Project has a new essay by Dan Savage: What’s the big deal about Father’s Day?
Finally, a commentary about Father’s Day cards that I wrote for Minnesota Public Radio.
As a ‘gay’ man who chooses celibacy, I would say that it is not your or my right to be married. It is a sacred gift to begin with, not a right, just to give you some grounding for the basis of your thoughts. Who is asking you to marry a woman?
I stumbled across this today and I simply could not leave the sight without saying something, even though this is an old discussion.
While I agree that marriage is a sacred gift, I believe the “choice” to be celibate is just that, a choice. I also believe that while you make that choice, others should be able to choose to be married. No one should be able to decide that for us.
In my opinion, if you suggest that being gay means you must choose to be celibate because marriage is a sacred gift, then you are also saying that gays who choose to marry are not Christians because it goes against something sacred.
I agree that no one is asking Eric to marry a woman, but I think he was simply pointing out that this is what society expects of us. I was married for 12 years and I have to live with the guilt of pretending to be something I was not and stealing 12 years of my ex-wife’s life, when both of us could have been much happier (as we are today).
I don’t believe God condemns us for who we choose to marry. I believe that God gave us the gift to love another person and be faithful to them, regardless of their gender.
I believe that you can take anything you want from me…my pride, my belongings, my self-worth, but you can never take my belief in God away from me. He lives in my heart and soul and that, my friend, is the way to Heaven.