May 11th, 2006
Non-Bio Mother Anthology
Harlyn Aizley’s anthology (for which she was seeking submissions last year) is due for release this Mother’s Day.
A review from The Washington Post:
Parenting Lit
By Susan Adams
Sunday, May 7, 2006; Page M03When it comes to uncharted territory, CONFESSIONS OF THE OTHER MOTHER: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All! (Beacon; paperback, $16) must be a first.
A “first” in terms of what, exactly? A “first” in terms of an anthology of only non-bio moms? Yes, I think so. But is it the first time non-bio moms are getting their views published at all? No. Homefronts, a blunt and raw collection of essays about the toughest challenges in queer parenting, included essays by non-bio mothers. Published in 2000, it was barely noticed, which I think was in part because it presented ideas queer people weren’t ready to think about.
[T]his is an anthology of essays on a theme. The topic: navigating the waters of lesbian parenthood when you are not the parent who has given birth. What should these women even call themselves? Mom number two? Dad? A striking portion of these essays is devoted to the appellation question — one piece, by Polly Pagenhart, is entitled “Confessions of a Lesbian Dad” — but it quickly becomes clear that the preoccupation with labels is a front for deeper questions of identity and gender roles.
Well said. (See my related advice column about kinship terminology for two prospective lesbian moms.)
Some of the struggles in the book are poignant, such as the woman caught in a Kafkaesque hospital limbo after her partner bears their daughter. She’s not allowed in the neonatal intensive care unit because she’s not biologically related to the baby, and she can’t go back in and see her partner because they are not legally related either. “Is this what it will always be like, I wonder” writes the author, Hillary Goodridge, “trapped in some linoleum purgatory, suspended animation, unable to touch either member of my family?”
Hillary Goodridge. As in: Goodridge v. Dept. of Public Health. Quoting Hillary Goodridge and referring to her simply as a non-biological mother while omitting her full cultural context is like quoting Martha Stewart and referring to her as “a homemaker.”
Heart-rending tales aside, how will these sons and daughters negotiate a world that is still not all that accustomed to children with same-sex parents? Maybe editor Harlyn Aizley should plan a sequel to this pioneering volume.
I trust Harlyn will be savvy enough to step back and let the sons and daughters circle their own wagons and pull that one together themselves.