Apr 18th, 2006
A Parent’s View of the White House Egg Roll
Republic of T offers a full report on his family’s participation on the White House lawn yesterday.
I especially appreciate this beautifully insightful passage, as T. reflects on relaxing with other gay families after the event:
As important as it is to be visible as a family, it can also be stressful. Most of the time it’s a kind of low-grade stress; the kind that you get when you’re in line at the grocery store and see someone staring out of the corner of your eye, or a people looking in your direction and whispering to one another. Or maybe your kid is having the kind of public meltdown that every kid has at some point, and while probably every parents wonders if people are judging their parenting in that situation, if you’re gay you’re wondering if they’re judging you because your gay and worrying that your actions might reflect on gay parenting in general. Being visible at an event like this ratchets up that stress a bit, but you do it because you hope that doing so will mean that someday it won’t be necessary anymore.
This passage reminds me of the conversations I had in my head every time I conjured up the courage to tell someone I had gay parents — having faith that no matter the short-term result, the long-term result, five, ten, twenty years from then made it worth the risk. But I was too young to find words like “low-grade stress.” For me, I likened this un-named looming presence to a driving drum beat in the background that was constant, some days louder and more difficult to tune out than other days.
Participating in the White House Egg Roll is a high-profile example of how our families rise above judgement and ridicule every day. Kids who know there’s nothing “wrong” with their families say they try to “just ignore” the teasing or “pay no attention” to the raised eyebrows in church, etc. — but even for the most confident kids, it still takes energy to do that. It’s important for parents to be aware of that, so that kids don’t feel like they have to hide the impact of that stress from their own parents as their way of protecting their parents. That takes even more energy.
Check out the debate on my blog today about the topic of whether gay parents “use” their kids for poltical gain. I say no!