Mar 30th, 2006
Ruling Corrected, but Damage Irreversible
A gay father and his partner had to sell their home and live apart in order for the biological father to have visitation rights. Here’s the article:
Judge tosses order separating two gay dads
by Ann Rostow, PlanetOut Network
Courts are supposed to determine what is in the best interest of children. Rulings based on stereotypes and fear, rather than fact, are not in any child’s best interest. Let’s look at a few statements from the article regarding the impact on the child:
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“Hedberg [the gay father] asked a Maryland court to modify the custody order, which was making their son unhappy and diminishing the quality of his life in a number of ways.”
“According to court records, Hedberg said his son cried often, missed his other father, and repeatedly asked why Delahoussaye [Hedberg's partner] could not move back.”
“[The] trial judge ruled in Hedberg’s favor, noting that the boy, now 13, was distressed by the arrangement.”
Unhappy…diminishing quality of life…cried often…distressed…
It should be noted that the custody ruling was changed not because the Virginia court suddenly activated the part of the brain responsible for logic reasoning, but because the family had moved to Maryland.
Here’s the thing: forcing our gay parents to be partner-less does not make them straight. And to imply that gay parents are unfit parents when they are in a committed relationship is ludicrous.
Being told every day that your loving, committed parents are not good enough and are somehow harmful to you is dehumanizing and leaves children powerless. You are a minor, courts are deciding your fate, denying you the connection with a parent who is right there and who wants to be in your life. Worthlessness + Powerlessness + Forced Abandonment = ……….. You do the math.
I wish this family peace. My hope is that the son’s mother will someday ask forgiveness for putting her son through such unnecessary anxiety and confusion. My other hope is that her son will be able to forgive his mother — and the courts that went along with it.
You want an example of parents who are “pro-family?” You don’t have to look any further than this family, who endured more than three years in a court-mandated broken home.
Now, those are some rock-solid family values.
[...] The Unbelievably Heinous Story of the Week award goes to the state of Virginia, which had forced a gay dad and his partner to live apart for four years so the bio dad could maintain visitation rights with his then nine-year-old son. Luckily, the story ends well, with the state of Maryland (where the dads now live) reversing the order. Abigail Garner has said pretty much everything I could think of saying about this, so I’ll just refer you to her site for more. [...]