Feb 14th, 2006
My take on Valentine’s Day
Not because I love talking about it, but because I get asked a lot about it. From a heterosexual perspective I think it’s a silly holiday that punishes men for not being mind readers, and reinforces the stereotype of the materialistic, whiny woman. (”Well, if you don’t know what I want, I’m not going to tell you.”) There are some men who “get it right” by stereotypical standards, who show up with roses and chocolate (ho-hum), but do so mainly to “win points” to stay “out of the doghouse” for a while. The way I see it, if both people in a couple are investing in the relationship and appreciating each other all year round, there is no need for them to “observe” a Hallmark holiday based on relationship damage control.
From a queer perspective, it is an expression of heterosexual privilege that straight folks, for the most part, simply don’t see. Let’s take something as simple as making a dinner reservation. A straight couple’s only consideration is: “Where would we like to dine as a cozy couple on Valentine’s Day?”
A gay couple has much more to consider: “Where will we be welcomed to dine as a cozy couple?” “Will the wait staff treat us with respect?” “Will we be allowed to partake in the ‘Valentine’s Day’ dinner special for sweethearts?” “Will it be safe for us to hold hands? Kiss?”
I wrote a column about the double standard of public displays of affection. It was a number of years ago so the reference to the 2000 Democratic National Convention dates it. But the rest of the column, unfortunately, is still relevant.