Feb 13th, 2006
Seeking Adult Kids of Donor Insemination
It’s called many things: artificial insemination, alternative insemination, alternative fertilization. Whatever your choice of terminology, if your mother/s had to go out and find some sperm to create you and you are now over 18, let’s talk.
I am working on an article about known vs. unknown donors. I am asked about it all the time by women who feel torn trying to make the choice for their children who don’t even exist yet. There is additional stress when the two mothers disagree on which process to choose. Since I am not an “A.I.Baby,” the best I can do is learn from my peers who are, and then share what I’ve learned with L/G/B/T people considering parenthood.
I know this can be a difficult issue to discuss — to admit that your parents made a choice for you that turned out to not be best for you. Knowing that you may not want your parents to read about your thoughts on this, I am willing to change names and identifying details before publication at your request.
Do you know who your donor is? If he was anonymous, do you wish you had the option of meeting him? Do you think one of the choices is more ethical than the other? I have talked to individuals who are ambivalent, others who have strong opinions. I welcome voices who represent both of those views, and everyone in between.
If you want to talk, drop me a line and tell me the best way to contact you.
A reminder to parents: no need to send me your child’s email address, saying that he/she would probably be willing to talk to me. Send your kids a link to this post, and if they are interested in contacting me, they will do it themselves.
Hi Abigail - i’m interested in your research because i’m the non-biological mum of a 1 yr old, and I want to make the best decisions possible for my daughter. But my partner and i sometimes disagree with what these should be!
i really want to try to understand what it’s like for kids growing up in queer families so we can hopefully make the right decisions for all of us.
At the moment she sees her biological father weekly, and has started calling him “dadda” - something i find really upsetting but am dealing with…
I’d be interested to hear what your research turns up about other kids who’ve grown up knowing their donor, and how this was for them, what it meant to them, whether it affected their relationship with the non-bio parent etc. If you don’t mind sharing some of your info with a parent-in-training, i’d appreciate it!
thanks :)