Jan 17th, 2006
Gender and Touch: Inspired by “Tough Enough” by Lukas Blakk
Lukas Blakk, who is a contributor at Oversampled has released his short, “Tough Enough,” on his “vlog” (video blog), Back in Blakk. If you haven’t been to his site before, check it out. He is very open about his gender identity, and his personal reports on film document his changes.
For those of you especially interested in hearing more queerspawn perspectives, I recommend viewing his earlier piece, My Breakfast in 7 Minutes in which Lukas talks about how having lesbian parents affected his hesitancy to come out.
My personal reaction to “Tough Enough” has to do with the longing for touch with men to be “no big deal.” I ran into many misinterpreted situations as a teenager when I touched boys “inappropriately” so they thought I was making a pass at them. (Harmless touch, like a quick squeeze on the back of the neck, or an extended rub with an open palm over the shoulder blades.) Where did I learn this “inappropriate” touch that felt so natural (and non-sexual) to me? In social networks of gay men. It took me years to figure out that what I thought was simply humans touching humans was more specifically gay men touching gay men, and that such body language did not translate well (nor safely) in the boy-girl world. (It also doesn’t translate well for me as a straight woman touching gay men, due to the suspicion that straight women hanging out with gay men secretly hope to seduce them.)
I went to a party this weekend where I was literally the only woman in a sea of gay men. It was lovely. It felt like Thanksgiving. But I watched them touch each other so casually and supportively and I wondered what it would be like for my hand to touch a shoulder and let it stay there as we talked. And for that connection to mean nothing more than just that: a connection.