Jan 2nd, 2006
Queer Families: Refugees in their own Country
I know the word refugee is a powerful one, so I’m not using it lightly. I have been reading various definitions of “refugee” and the current political climate for queer families fits. Refugees are forced out of their homes, often for political reasons, and/or because they cannot be protected at home. This is true for many LGBT parents who are either just beginning to encounter problems because of their lack of familiar rights, or a family event has changed how much descrimination/uncertainty they can live with. (For example, a child has just been diagnosed with a chronic illness, making it clear how little decision-making power a non-legal parent will have regarding health care for the child.)
Meet the latest refugees: Jeanine and Nichole Soterwood, a same-sex couple featured in an article in yesterday’s edition of the Arizona Star. (Link: “Same-sex couple driven from Arizona due to adoption rules” by Stephanie Innes) Since Arizona does not allow unmarried couples to adopt — and two women cannot get married — only one of them is recognized as a parent in Arizona. The couple is relocating to California where second parent adoption is legal.
Queer families who stay in States where their rights are not fully recognized stay for a variety of reasons: They are living near supportive extended family. They can’t afford to move. They can’t find comparable employment. But most often when queer parents are asked why they don’t move, they respond with another question: “Why should we? This is our home.” While some parents value doing whatever it takes to gain immediate maximum legal protection for their families by moving to a more gay-friendly State, other families consider it out of the question, since leaving would enable the great homophobic dream of clearing out the queers.
I can’t imagine the heartbreak involved in making the stay-or-go decision that queer parents all over the U.S. have to make again and again, every time a state or county or city changes its laws that affect their families. Sometimes I fantasize about a massive queer flight from the worst areas in the U.S. Like many Fortune 500 companies who developed gay-friendly policies to gain a competitive edge in recruiting the best employees, anti-gay States would soon learn how poorly they function when they exclude 10% of the population from participating.