Dec 14th, 2005
Surrogate Non-Motherhood
Sunday’s New York Times ran a first person essay about a woman who actively pursued being a surrogate for a gay couple.
A Surrogate Dries Her Tears by Lisa Baker (registration required)
After the warm-and-fuzzy fantasy fades about what a great gift she can provide for these wanna-be dads, she’s overcome with a severe case of Mama-Pull. What kind of relationship should she have with this bio-child that is not “hers?” Baker is fortunate that the child’s daddies welcome her into their child’s life. With the exception of a lengthy and expensive custody battle, she would have little legal leverage to see the child if the dads did not want her to.
Temporary partners in procreation can talk and plan all they want about how a child will be raised and what kind of contact each bio and non-bio parent and non-parent will have with it. But until the child is actually in the world, there’s no way of knowing for sure if everyone’s feelings will match their original intent.