Oct 4th, 2005
LGBT Parenting Tip: Avoid negative generalizations about heterosexuals people.
For heterosexual children of LGBT parents, “straight shame” is no a joke. It’s a feeling kids internalize when they think homophobia is synonymous with heterosexuality. Ideally, kids of queer parents should feel supported regardless of how they “turn out,” whether that be LGBT or heterosexual. LGBT parents play an important role in minimizing straight shame in their heterosexual children.
Here’s what I advise parents in my book:
Homophobic actions need to be distinguished from heterosexual identity. If an issue involving someone being homophobic must be discussed in the presence of children, parents need to focus on the behavior that makes the person homophobic. Otherwise, kids conclude that simply being heterosexual is what makes someone homophobic. Children can benefit from hearing their parents acknowledge the efforts of straight allies in their community. They need to know that it is possible to build alliance with some straight people, all of whom are not homo-hostile oppressors.
This parenting tip excerpted from Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is (p. 220). See Chapter Eight, “Tourists at Home” for more on the experiences of kids of LGBT parents who end up “coming out” as straight.