Oct 28th, 2002
Star Tribune, Family and Relationships Section
Minneapolis Star Tribune, Community Expert Panelist in the “Family & Relationships” section. Question: “How do I tell those close to me that I don’t want children?”
My answer:
The choice to have children is a very private matter, but questions from friends and family — especially wannabe grandparents — are usually unavoidable. Some couples without children are asked “When are you having kids?” as soon as the engagement is announced. If a couple’s intent to not have children goes unsaid, they are likely to endure increasingly intrusive questions that can make each family gathering more tense as years pass. Informing loved ones about choosing to remain childfree should be done in a matter-of-fact way. Avoid sounding defensive or apologetic; otherwise the asker will be more inclined to assume your childlessness is “problem” that needs to be fixed.
Abigail Garner is a writer, lecturer, and creator of www.familieslikemine.com, a website for children of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender parents. Her non-fiction book about children of GLBT parents will be published by HarperCollins next year.