Mar 18th, 2002
Minneapolis Star Tribune, Community Expert Panelist
I am an “expert” on a family Q&A panel that debuted today in Star Tribune, in the Family & Relationships section.
Question: “What is the single most important topic that two people about to enter a marriage should have discussed?”
My answer:
Considering Parenthood.
If having children is a dream of yours, make sure your potential spouse or partner shares that same dream. If the two of you disagree on this issue, don’t assume that after getting married you will be able to change your spouse’s mind. Unlike many other issues that arise in a partnership, there is no room for meeting half way when it comes to having children. Either you become parents or you don’t.
Abigail Garner
Creator of www.FamiliesLikeMine.com, resources for gay and lesbian families.
My original answer “Considering parenthood” was in direct response to the question, in my attempt to keep my answer as short as possible, per the editor’s request. The text that went into the paper, however, is “Consider parenthood.”
My gerund was changed to a command. A small edit to some, but significant to me. It’s one thing to suggest that you talk about the possibility of parenting, which is why I wrote it as a gerund. But drop the “ing” and it sounds like I am saying people should become parents.
I believe if no one just assumed that of course they will have children, and thought about it as a conscious decision, we would have a much stronger society, with child neglect a thing of the past.
Hey, at least you answered the question!!!!!
And on the web, they don’t even bother to explain what the hell the panel is or WHAT THE QUESTION IS. So to refresh your memory, it was “what is the SINGLE most important issue a couple should discuss before entering into a marriage.”
THAT was the question. NOT: “How much can you ramble?” Or “By ’single’ do you really mean two or three or four?” Or “How badly do you follow directions?” Or “What is the biggest paragraph you can submit to a newspaper that seems to have an editor on vacation?”
It’s not that bad. Your essential point about considering parenthood - comes across. people spend about 1/4 of a minute reading these things.
Where do they find these people? The level of discourse in the major newspapers and magazines is about fourth grade these days.
Thanks for the use of “gerund”. I haven’t needed that one in a while, but I’m sure I will.
yeah, I esp. like the ones that basically answer the question “what’s the single most important thing couples should discuss before getting married”
with “couples should discuss important issues before they get married.” Um, helpful.
I don’t even know what a gerund is. Wow.