Article by Abigail Garner

I’m not a big fan of ceremony. I even skipped my own high school graduation exercises. So last month when I actually looked forward to sitting on a folding chair among the sea of suits and sundresses, I had to giggle at myself. It was Ashley’s graduation and I wasn’t going to miss it.

You might recognize Ashley’s name, I’ve included her in this column quite a bit. We found each other in cyberspace two years ago, when Ashley sent an email looking for guidance in starting a Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA) at her private school. She has lesbian parents; I have gay parents. The perspectives we share helped us bond quickly.

During her junior year, Ashley successfully founded the GSA at her school. The group was able to get just enough attention to stir up dialogue without getting into trouble. Although she was a great spokesperson for the GSA, she didn’t reveal why she personally cared so much about addressing homophobia in her school.

Last October, she stepped out of that silence. I joined about ten family friends to hear her senior speech — a graduation requirement — in which Ashley talked to her school about what it was like to come from a lesbian family, and how homophobia affected her. When she finished, she was met with an instant standing ovation. Ashley’s group of adult supporters had few words to say to each other. We all seemed to be pondering the same question: Would we have had the courage to do that at her age?

Knowing Ashley these past two years has, in a way, been a chance for me to see how I could have dealt differently with my own high school experience. Her honesty and compassion has set an example for her peers — straight, queer and questioning. She emerged as a leader, demonstrated by the fact that they voted her as one of three students to address the class at graduation. In her speech, she reminded students that their privileged education is often tied to other privileged statuses, such as race, religion, class, gender, and sexual orientation.

“My hope,” she told them, “is that we will not accept our diplomas of privilege unless we will accept the responsibility intrinsic in that privilege.” Ashley’s words were particularly poignant that afternoon, because she shared the platform with distinguished guest speaker, Coretta Scott King.

I meet so many remarkable people who have GLBT parents. Some show up at a gathering and then disappear for another year. Others exchange a flurry of emails with me that eventually taper off. Few, however, keep in touch with me as consistently as Ashley has. Now she is preparing to move out east to start college. I have every confidence that she will forge her own path just like she has done thus far.

When Ashley’s parents introduce me to their friends, they say I am a mentor to their daughter. While I am honored to have such a title, I’m no longer sure which of us has benefited more.

Originally published in Lavender Magazine.

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