Apr 6th, 2001
Lessons Learned from Barbara Walters’ Report on Gay Families
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Article by Abigail Garner
It promised to be eye-opening. Controversial. Provocative. Will they be taunted by classmates? Will they be ashamed of their families? Will they turn out (gasp!) gay?
I expected better from Barbara Walters. And so did many other sons and daughters who saw last month’s segment on 20/20 about children of gay and lesbian parents.
Coming from families that are labeled “nontraditional,” “unconventional,” or “alternative,” we crave to see our lives made more visible. On the rare occasions when LGBT families are portrayed in popular culture, we tend to expect a lot from mainstream sources that still don’t understand.
I long for mainstream coverage on LGBT parents that doesn’t investigate the sexual orientation of their children. Each time we children of LGBT parents are asked about our own sexual orientation, it feels like our parents are being put on trial. The implied message is that children who are straight have successfully overcome gay influence, and that something has gone terribly wrong when the children do turn out to be gay. This message perpetuates a cycle of shame about homosexuality.
What’s more, it is unfair to expect teenagers to speak openly on national television about their own sexual orientation simply because they have gay parents. As long as the children are happy, why should their sexuality be of concern to the story?
In addition to being sensitive to children’s sexuality, responsible journalism needs to consider what is age-appropriate when children are involved. Journalists and parents alike should limit interviews only to sons and daughters who are old enough to give their consent and who understand the possible repercussions of their choice. During the 20/20 segment, Danielle and Alex, both 17 years old, seemed comfortable in their interviews, and were prepared to answer difficult and personal questions. They had probably answered those questions countless times before.
But the children of two gay dads who were interviewed were only seven and 10 years old. While the girls were amazingly mature and poised, it was not appropriate for Walters to expect them to answer loaded questions such as whether they wished they had a mom living with them. (To which the 10-year-old said she would be lucky to have a mom in addition to her two dads. What child would object to the idea of having a third parent to adore her?)
If these little girls are anything like the kids I’ve met over the years, they already have an overwhelming sense of responsibility to prove to the world that their family is a valid family. It’s only a matter of time until they will have to pick their battles and decide when to stand up to hostility facing their families. They shouldn’t have to cut their teeth by doing so on national television.
I want to believe that every story like this, regardless of its flaws, will help LGBT families gain more acceptance in mainstream society. But realistically speaking, Barbara Walters’ story was probably not produced with the goal of increasing acceptance. Just like any show on network television, it was produced to increase ratings.
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Originally published in Lavender Magazine.
Your column was spot on. I hate TV. It’s so sleazy. And Barbara Walters is always so clunky about issues of sexuality, like a busybody neighbor woman who’s headed right to the beauty parlor to spread your sh*t.
It would be very helpful to watch as Emma and Camille grow into adults. Unfortunately, they will not remain innocent little girls forever. The warm fuzzies of childhood too soon become painful reality, and that is what the world needs to witness. The struggles, confusion, and love-bonds of children of GLBT parents vary greatly in expression and form as we evolve from child to teenager to adult. Like our parents, we must be allowed the freedom to express our pain, frustrations, and insecurities as well as our love for our parents. Only when we can talk about ALL of it are we truly free.
I am writing in response to the article by Abigail Garner about the 20/20 special on gay parents. Such a negative article with so little perspective and so little humility. How can you forget that at least 90 percent of America is straight and that most of that 90 wants to know if the kids turn out gay. It took me 18 years of my life to come to terms with my sexuality how can we expect straight america to come to terms with queer people with immediate full acceptance. I often feel more alienated by gay people than from my straight friends because there seems to be a need of many gay people to run from the outside world and get angered then when people don’t understand them perfectly. The sexuality of children of gay parents will always be a question on most striaght peoples minds as I suspect it with gay people as well. Pretending like we aren’t curious, and pretending like it doesn’t matter doesn’t make it go away.
It does matter, because ultimately if gay people are raising far more gay children than straight parents are, then that says something about the nature homosexuality and the affects that having gay parents may have. I am a scientist at heart and it greatly disturbs me that our politically correct culture tries to sugar coat or ignore important issues because they just want every one to feel all good and warm inside. I also have lived 18 years of my life in a straight world and many of friends and loved ones are striaghts and I can not forget how hard it is for gay and straight people to come to terms issues involving homosexuality. Please next time try to have some perspective in the articles you publish. This article is one example of why I feel so alienated by so much of the gay community.
Ultimately what bothers me the most is the lack of acknowledgement or appreciation for how important it is that 20/20 covered this story. So many people in America are never exposed to gays let alone gay parents and such a positive piece can do so much to open peoples eyes. When I was in high school there was one show with one supporting bisexual character and that did so much to change my life. You are truly speaking words that reflect a jaded, ungrateful, and self-centered piont of view.
John
While I can understand your situation, I don’t like the idea that GBLT devotees promote their lifestyle as “normal” and “healthy.”
GBLT lifestyles are neither “normal,” nor are they “healthy.” Take a sample of 1000 heterosexuals in their sixties, and 1000 homosexuals in their sixties, then tell me which set has a more established and secure retirement. Tell me which feels more integrated to society. Tell me how the lack of blood progeny affects the psyche of those who are in their twilight years.
Normal and healthy indeed. For college guys looking for a little fun, fine. As a lifelong promise of prosperity, homosexuality offers far less.
My letter is not a “way God intended” diatribe. It’s fact.
Excellent points are made. I, too, expected so much more from Barbara Walters!