Mar 23rd, 2001
Confronting Heterophobia in This Queer, Queer World
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Article by Abigail Garner
A college student I know turned to her lesbian parents for support when she was breaking up with her boyfriend. With only the best intentions, her parents tried to be supportive by reassuring her that she was not the problem, straight men were. Their daughter stopped them and told them that male-bashing was anything but helpful. “I’m straight,” she reminded them, “and someday, I will love one of ‘those people.’”
By criticizing straight men, in general, rather than the ex-boyfriend, in particular, these parents were reinforcing heterophobia. I first heard this word from a group of teenagers who were talking about the challenges of being raised in queer families.
Even though the word was new to me, I understood what they meant. Heterophobia is exactly what it sounds like: fear and suspicion of heterosexuals, as well as a belief that being heterosexual is less desirable than being queer.
Addressing this issue is not about being politically correct. It’s about protecting the self-esteem of all children who are raised in GLBT families.
Being raised with heterophobia can be as emotionally damaging to straight kids as homophobia is to queer kids. Some families end up fostering shame and self-loathing in their straight children simply because of who they are.
Many children of GLBT parents–including myself–grow up absorbing the idea that the enemy threatening our family and our sense of safety is “out there.” We learn that this huge, overwhelming, collective enemy is heterosexual society. When kids grow up with internalized heterophobia, “coming out” as straight–and by default having to identify with “those people”–can feel like an emotional exile.
What kind of comments do you make about straight people that might contribute to internalized heterophobia? Do you even realize you are doing it? I don’t, except when my straight friends point it out, like when I say I don’t want to go to a certain restaurant or bar because of “all the straights.” (Insert eye roll here for extra drama.)
Oh, but when we talk negatively about straights, or hets, or breeders, we’re only joking. We don’t mean anything by it, right? Such comments are harmless.
Are they? Haven’t we learned that seemingly harmless comments like “That’s so gay” chip away at the psyches of queer youth? Why do we underestimate how daily negative messages about “those straights” affect how heterosexual offspring feel about themselves?
I believe that a future of equality is what unites GLBT communities. But when straight-bashing is not taken seriously, we are not moving toward equality, we’re only justifying the transfer of prejudice from one group to another.
There is nothing wrong with raising children to be proud of their heritage. As you do that, however, please keep in mind that building gay pride in your children should not include fostering straight shame.
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Originally published in Lavender Magazine.
In many instances it may be just a poorly thought-out ‘backlash’ reaction, more than an authentic sense of superiority to straight people and straight parents. Also, have you a sense of how prevalent the *blatant* heterophobia is? (The subtle messages, as you presented via your own experience, I believe are unavoidable). Did you find it to be really pervasive? Or just a small, but significant attitude?
This was a fantastic topic to address, BTW. I love how you go so gracefully where others fear to tread. I’d be interested in what feedback you get on it. I’d also be interested in your (or others’) suggestions on *dealing* with heterophobia in your family.
The situation you described with lesbian women putting down straight men is the same, with the genders reversed. Except that I can understand it a little more with women, because straight men do appear to have grabbed most of the power in the larger world. Even straight women can be irritated by that! But why do gay men seem to have so much (sometimes unconscious) resentment toward women in general? And what is the effect on children of being raised by parents who do not have a positive attitude toward the other gender?
My daughter is so much more self confidant than I was, and I strongly believe it is because she has two parents who really value her, and no one putting her down. I learned something awful about myself when my second child was born — I was disappointed that he was a boy! And that was terrible, and I had to get to the bottom of it — and it didn’t take me long: there was my [gay] Dad, staring me in the face. Because of him, I was a hell of a lot more comfortable around women than men. So I had to face all that, and deal with it, so it wouldn’t poison my relationship with my own child. (And I made sure not to have another child until I didn’t care at all whether it was a boy or a girl. Which was good — I had another boy!)
My father is not the kind of person who has any insight into himself at all. He still thinks he was a model Dad. I am reconciled to that. But there are some parents out there who are reachable, and I am so glad that you are able and willing to speak to them. Because the fact is, there are some issues common to many gay parents that need to be addressed, if they are going to be as good parents as they should be — as they want to be. One thing they need to do, as I did, is address any underlying issues they have with the opposite sex!
You are right about the problem of addressing problems like this in a forum full of young teenagers. I struggle with how much to censor myself all the time. I don’t want to say anything that will worsen the problems kids may have with their parents — heaven forbid! — and yet I want them to know that their feelings are valid. Because that’s the only way things will ever get better for them.
Anyway, thanks talking to the parents. I hope they’re listening.
Mother of three (and daughter of gay dad!)
I read your article in the Lavendar about heterophobia and thought it was terrific.
Good job!
Lesbian daughter of lesbian moms
Dear Abigail Garner,
I don’t litter. But when I read your article in the most recent lavender, Confronting Heterophobia in This Queer, Queer World, I wanted to throw the whole magazine out of the car window as my girlfriend and I drove down 94. I wanted it to be run over by a couple of semi trucks and ripped into shreds. I settled instead for ripping out your page and recycling it when I got home.
Give me a break! How you can have the audacity to write that essay, for the main (if not only) queer publication in the Twin Cities, is completely beyond me. I found your message and position not only offensive but trite. Heterophobia? Good lord. Maybe I should write an essay about how I am discriminated against in my Lake Street neighborhood because I am white. That would make about as much sense as your essay did.
While I believe that there are extremely difficult aspects of being children of GLBT parents, I find it disturbing that you would offer such a faulty argument and support such an over-simplified, self-indulgent position as you did in this article. You write “Being raised with heterophobia can be as emotionally damaging to straight kids as homophobia is to queer kids. Some families end up fostering shame and self-loathing in their straight children simply because of who they are.” Fostering shame and self-loathing? Come on. It sounds more like these families need a little bit of more open discussion to understand that it isn’t helping their kid to pick on their straight “lifestyle.” But to say that heterophobia and homophobia are equally damaging to youth? How dare you! Have you considered submitting this essay to the Minnesota Family Council or the Focus on the Family group? I’m sure this is something they would want to print. Like you, they also believe that our society, schools, families and parents are too often rewarding homosexuality at the high cost to the poor suffering heterosexuals.
Although it is in fact unfair for individual GLBT parents to be critical of an individual’s boyfriend/girlfriend, writing that heterophobia can be as emotionally damaging as homophobia is simply irresponsible. Believing that an oppressive queer-dominated system of discrimination exists is just plain stupid. The next time that these GLBT parents kick their straight kids out of the house, beat them (literally) with the Queer Bible, forbid them from dating or having a social life, telling them they are better off dead than being straight, forbid them from going to school activities like prom with their true love, or encourage them to commit suicide because they are straight, then by all means, write
that article again. Then we will all have to look at the damaging effects of heterophobia. Until that happens (god forbid) please consider your own heterosexist privilege and do not lecture GLBT people on issues of oppression.
Signed,
Rebecca
Minneapolis
Thank you Abigail for your piece on “heterophobia.” As a child of lebian parents who are wonderfully affirming of my budding sexuality, whatever it may be, I appreciate this piece because it affirms the struggles I have faced in my own sexuality discernment process.
This is in response to Rebecca’s letter. I think this is an example of it hurts her because it could possibly be true . . . combined with she hasn’t completely worked through whatever trauma her own coming out has fostered to see that she could be an oppressor rather than a victim . . . Frankly, I think that unless she is a child of GLBT parents she has no place telling YOU the child of GLBT parents how to feel and if you & others like you feel that heterophobia is a real thing then who is she to say?
I think you have lots of great stuff to say about homophobia, heterophobia, and other things in general. It’s sad when people pull that kind of crap on you (the you-don’t-know-anything-cause-you’re-straight argument). It’s a really important issue to bring it up, though. And I hadn’t really thought about it until you brought it up at the end of the panel at the Rainbow Families conference. I don’t remember my mom ever displaying heterophobia, but I have caught myself doing it. So it’s good that you spoke about it–otherwise I might have said something to my brother (who’s straight) and I wouldn’t have been aware of it. So thanks!
Letters to the Editor
Published in Lavender
April 20, 2001
Where Did Our Pride Go?
After reading Abigail Garner’s “Families Like Mine” column in your March 23 issue and also the letter to the editor from Karen Sylte-Munson, I do believe the days of gay pride are long gone here in Minneapolis.
In the first piece, the author warns the reader about gay bigotry against heterosexuals. Maybe Ms. Garner would like to join the fight of the Woodbury high school dude who is suing to wear his “Straight Pride” tee-shirt at school. The gay kids who complained about his provocative choice must be suffering from what she describes as “internalized heterophobia.”
In the second piece, the author and her female partner celebrate their gay marriage by wearing wedding rings on their left ring finger. She writes: “We have…been fortunate in that all of the straight people we have met have either honored our commitment…or kept their mouths shut.” I wonder if that’s because she and her partner did the terribly daring thing of wearing their rings on the hetero (left) ring finger rather than on their right hand? Her perception of being fortunate may be due to the fact that she and her partner are deliberately passing as straight married ladies. In any case, why she took the time to write a letter celebrating hetero acceptance (?) is beyond me!
Message drawn from reading this garbage: Gays should do everything we can do to please and conform to the breeder majority.
Marc Curie
One Out of Three Ain’t Bad
Thank you for voicing the sentiment of many children born to GLBT parents, like me. While we love our parents dearly, it is frustrating when they seem not to value heterosexuality. It is reverse discrimination and can leave the child feeling confused and “put in the middle”. It’s unfair and actually a perpetuation of miscommunication and disrespect between heterosexual and homosexual communities.
Many of our mothers and fathers have been deeply hurt by the heterosexual world and this causes negative responses like the advice given to the daughter in your article. As a community (GLBT), we need to acknowledge the hurt and pain caused by specific, not ALL heterosexuals and begin the healing process. When our parents heal, they will be able to move forward and raise their children to be free of “parental baggage” and respecting both communities equally. When this is the case, children of LGBT parents will be able to make healthy, positive decisions, not based on misperceptions, but on their own realities and personal experiences.
Tina Fakhrid-Deen
To Hull with Garner!
Poor Abigail “The Straight Martyr ” Garner. In your misguided effort to claim some sort of solidarity with the queer community you’ve succeeded
mostly in stabbing us in the back with your insulting notion of the terrible and devastating effects of heterophobia. Queers have a right to be fearful and suspicious of straights. After all, they’re the ones who bully us through school, deny us basic human and constitutional rights, and kill us in the backwoods of Wyoming. They abuse us in the pulpit, over the airwaves and at our own funerals. When we don t want to go to a certain bar or restaurant because of all the straights it s because we don t want to deal with the possibility of being gawked at and/or getting our asses kicked.
It’s offensive to me that you would even compare coming out as straight to coming out as queer. Are you afraid that your queer parents will kick you out of the house? Send you to reparative therapy? Cut you off financially? Kill you?
I’ m sorry that your friend s lesbian moms are man-bashers, but isn’ t it typical after a break up for moms and daughters to bitch about the ex?
Perhaps it was her own hyper-awareness of her moms’ lesbianism that drove her to her defensiveness of straight men? Heterophobia, indeed.
I have tons of straight friends, including my parents, and I love them all dearly. But they will never, ever understand the effects of homophobia.
How many straight kids have committed suicide over the shame of their sexuality? The very concept of the word “heterophobia ” does nothing but strip away at the truly devastating effects of homophobia, which has left a trail of depression, hatred, self-loathing, and death in its wake. Ms. Garner, you need to get over your straight self.
Todd Hull
I found this story failed to address compulsory heterosexuality, I am a heterosexual woman of lesbian mothers but am still critical of my sexuality. Being straight is consider the “norm” and I guess I think that its refreshing for people to be thinking critically about heterosexuality. I can understand that it would be difficult to have to deal with heterophobia but I think that as straight women and daughters of lesbian women it is vital that we understand our privilege. No one questions our sexuality the way they do our mothers, and maybe our mothers questioning our sexuality is an attempt to ensure that we really are straight and aren’t falling victim to compulsory heterosexuality. Heterosexual relationships tend to be predicated on male dominance and maybe heterophobia is a misinterpretation of our lesbian mothers trying to teach us new ways of being in relationships, not questioning our sexuality but questioning the men we choose to relate to and the way in which we choose to relate to them. Just some food for thought!
You pulled the chain of some folks with a very militant point of view and they are more vocal than others about their issue.
Would you be achieving the goals you hope for if you don’t engage, or perhaps sometimes enrage, readers in a dialogue that allows them to express their opinion - including those who don’t agree with you?
I think that your point was proved (completely) by the negative responses. Celebrate you and your courage! Continue to carry the sword….. :)
dear abigail,
i’m writing in response to your article “heterophobia in this queer, queer world” (in lavender magazine). my girlfriend brought it home from work and i feel extremely inclined to send you a lengthy reply. because i have just recently returned to my home in nyc after a 3-week-tour of midwest and east-coast colleges with my workshop “feminist interruptions into privilege,” you’re in luck! i’m in my super-patient-let’s-continue-to-educate-the-extremely-ignorant-about-why-there’s-no-such-thing-as-”reverse sexism”-”homosexism”-”reverse-racism”-mode.
abigail, as a “straight queer activist” i’m surprised you haven’t educated yourself on the fundamentals of oppression and power, namely: the salient and most powerful features of heterosexism and homophobia are that
*THEY ARE SYSTEMATIC AND SYSTEMIC,
*INSTIUTIONALIZED,
*ARE BIGGER THAN ONE-ON-ONE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN A STRAIGHT PERSON AND A QUEER PERSON (although individual straight people are certainly equipped with
the necessary tools to oppress individual queers)
*HAVE A HISTORY,
*ARE LEGALLY CODIFIED, and have been
*INSTRUMENTAL in shaping ALL FACETS OF SOCIETY,
especially that which is considered “apolitical” (like language, morality, science, etc.)
perhaps if you spent more time asking your queer friends to point out your internalized homophobia (instead of having your straight/het/breeder friends point out your “heterophobia”–what activists!), you might gain a wider, slightly more educated, and politically right-on perspective on sexuality oppression.
but instead, you occupied space in a QUEER magazine, of all places, to discuss the detrimental effects that queer people have on straight people. oh, cry me a river for all of your pain! there is NO WAY that a negative comment made by lesbians about straight men is systematically oppressive, phobic, or the culprit of inequality in america. it is impossible to “reverse” such an established, legally reinforced, historical, and societally “apolitical” institution as homophobia.
straight people are NEVER the victims of an -ism or phobia because of their sexuality, just like men are never the victims of sexism, and whites are never the victims of racism. in fact, it’s the EXACT opposite which is true: straight people BENEFIT from homophobia, and benefit from the maintanence of homophobia and heterosexism. you are an active and passive recipient of institutionalized power, and all you need to do is be straight and oblivious! what a life!
maybe you feel accosted by my e-yelling, but please excuse me for feeling like i have had this conversation a trillion times with self-proclaimed “really-cool” straight people who are “queer activists” interested in “equality.” excuse me for being completely sick of needing to address charges of “reverse-whatever” in an allegedly progressive space, for needing to exert a ridiculous amount of my activist energies to educate straight people about how i, as a lesbian, do not suppress and oppress your heterosexuality.
your charge of “heterophobia” comes from a place of privilege, abigail, out of a fear that your previously un-questioned and unrecognized (by you) straight privilege has been challenged or threatened by the same queer progression that you claim to be working towards. i have to say that it’s particularly insidious that you would identify as a “straight queer activist” in order to perpetrate homophobia. maybe this idea of equality and moving towards that place for straight people and queers is a stumbling block for you, because your first step is to recognize that nothing is equal or HAS THE POTENTIAL to be as such in such a fundamentally biased and unequal society. this inequality is part of the package deal–it is literally a built-in feature.
so, you see, it is NEVER the same type of discrimination when a straight person makes a snide comment about queers as it when a queer person says something about straight people. the straight person’s comment is backed up by american culture, society, instituions, violence against queers intended to “keep us in our places,” as well as the law. as a dyke, i have NO civil rights, no legal recourse, no guarantees– i have been yet to be recognized as an individual in need of civil rights by the american government although i experience violence, hatred, and discrmination EVERYDAY because i’m a dyke.
can you honestly say the same thing about yourself as a straight woman? can you honestly say, knowing this, that a joke about straight people is -phobic and hateful the way a joke made by a straight person about lesbians, gay men, and trannies is? don’t you think that queer people have every right and reason to build alternative and counter-hegemonic worlds (and yes, to make straight jokes)?
and can you honestly say that “being raised with ‘heterophobia’ can be as emotionally damaging to straight kids as homophobia is to queer kids?” 30% of teen suicides are queer kids who’d rather kill themselves then face the day-to-day of homophobia and heterosexism (mixed in with any other -ism they experience) do you honestly believe that straight kids in queer homes are taught to HATE themselves the way queer kids are? do you know that their parents are not the only culprits, that there’s the whole societal/outside context that QUEER kids have to deal with, all of that stuff about society, law, and institutions? remember reality–this straight, straight world?
it’s extremely disrespectful of you to insist that “straight-hate” and homophobia are the same thing, given our struggles as queers in this homophobic society; we do not fight the same struggle, abigail.
these prejudices do not come from the same place, do not mean the same thing, does not have the same effects. you fight a few comments and jokes from queer people. sometimes i feel like i’m fighting the whole world just to survive.
all in all, your article suggests that QUEERS are the perpetrators of discrimination based on sexuality, and i want you to really think about the ways that you’re using your straight privilege to reassert straight supremacy.
now, since i’m not only a militant dyke, but a generous, generous militant dyke invested in eliminating ignorance and building coalitions, below you will find a list of ways you can be a better ally to queers, a list comprised of some of the many wonderful contributions from a diverse group of girls across the midwest and along the east coast who attended my workshop. it is applicable for lots of different actvists who are working on being a better ally across differences accompanied by institutionalized power. (*i*, too, am always working on educating myself; this list has helped me and i don’t claim to be perfect) i also suggest that you read (or re-read) fear of a queer planet, lesbians are so chic, compulsory heterosexuality and lesbian existence, and my zine “progressive backlash.”
BEING AN ALLY
*don’t demand access to my spaces, but stand with me
in public
*don’t fall back on or try to mobilize your privilege when i challenge it
*listen! notice the space you take up (and your power space)
*don’t assume you know everything
*realize what a “neutral” space/dialogue/etc. really is
*assimilate to the the demands of queers/wimmin/people of color
*follow thru on your commitments
*do your homework… educate yourself
*educate other straight people (white people/men/etc)so queers don’t have to
*don’t burden the oppressed
*don’t tokenize
*take risks (don’t just do what’s safe for you)
*don’t just be an ally when it’s the “cool” or “p.c.” thing to do; take it to your most intimate and privileged spaces.
good luck,
marisa
I would never publish someone’s full email without their permission, in the context of this discussion, I find it significant to mention that the user-name Marisa (see above comment) picked for her email address is
i-hate-bois.
Yikes! I just looked at the Letters in the current Lavender and I can’t believe the negative responses to your previous column. It seems like some GLBT people are just as narrow minded and clueless as the general population.
You’d think that people growing up hearing gay jokes and taunts would have a little understanding about how negative comments affect kids - especially when they come from parents or friends. If a parent makes negative comments about people of a certain sexual orientation to children, it’s going to hurt just as much if the kid is straight and parents gay as it does when the parents are straight and the kids are gay.
Someone ought to explain to Marc Curie (Where Did Our Pride Go?) that plenty of GLBT people are breeding.
Jeez louise! People can dish it out but can’t take it… Funny, but when we touched on that issue in a workshop last weekend at a Conference, parents weren’t defensive at ALL! Ah well… Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s important, and yes, even inflammatory!
Daughter of a lesbian mom
Letter to the Editor
Published in Lavender Magazine
May 18, 2001
Heterophobia is Still a Phobia
We are writing in response to Abigail Garner’s article “Confronting Heterophobia in a Queer Queer World” (Lavender, March 23) and in response to subsequent letters to the editor (Lavender, April 20).
We are lesbian mothers with one daughter, we are both psychotherapists who deal daily with the effects of hatred and bigotry in our own lives and in our clients’ lives, and we agree whole heartedly with Abigail Garner’s sentiments. Of course queers have been mistreated by some heterosexuals. But, when we queers lump all heterosexuals into one “evil” or “problem” group, we are engaging in stereotyping, hatred, and bigotry, ourselves. Hatred and bigotry come from the same source no matter whether they are directed toward queers or toward heterosexuals. And hatred and bigotry are always wrong. Oppressed minority groups are still capable of doing harm in the world, and we queers clearly do harm when we devalue any other group of people.
By devaluing heterosexuality, we perpetuate hate in the world. We owe it to the next generation of children - queer and straight - to be a community of people that does not practice hatred in this world toward anyone.
Candice Beckham-Chasnoff
Sarra Beckham-Chasnoff
I think the people who are giving you negative feedback are mostly missing the point and are so embittered by their experiences that they can’t see what you are talking about. I really liked the comment from the moms, I thought it was v. insightful-not that you need validating but in a way their comment IS validating because they are the people who need to be reached by what you were trying to say, right?
I liked the comment from the person who said she loves that you go gracefully where others fear to tread. Ditto for me.
This is where I think you do the most good, bringing unpleasant things to light by tripping people’s wires, setting off those kneejerk heterophobic reactions. I think what you do is very important, bringing a balanced voice to what could otherwise be a very “gay ghetto” publication (still is, to most folk, but those of us who read you know better)
Thank you so much for the most informative and well written information! The world needs both sides. You have received some hateful mail! I notice some would love to censor you. Thank God this will never happen. Keep up the good work.
Ellen Williams
California
Thanks for giving a fresh perspective on this issue. Phobias are phobias, no matter who holds them or what/who is their object. And it is painfully obvious that sexually diverse people can be as phobic (hetero or homo) as their hetersexual counterparts, making life for their children difficult, and their own lives less rich that it could be. Although some may feel threatened when reading this, I am sure for most it will be a real eye opener.
Gabrielle
Universidad Central de Venezuela
Heterosexual bigotry is rampant in American culture.
A recurring theme potrayed in movies and pushed by Gay Hollywood elite is the ‘outwardly agressive super-heterosexual jock who winds up confessing his homosexual attraction to the effeminate, brains-over-brawn all-accepting liberal muscle-less hero’.
Like other well-organized racist groups, racing for the spoils of Marxist Progressive income taxation, the political homosexual queers want their slice. They’ll use every trick in the persuasive book to win this race — including bashing the hapless, unorganized american of northern euro ancestry.
I have been searching the web to find something, someone who is talking about this!
Below all the “We Are The World…coombaya talk” of Lesbians, Gay men’s, and GenderQuitter Club lies the ugly reality of Hating Men that were Never Women in the First Place. It is about time the truth is in the open daylight.
To les, gay, genderquitters -
I started college in 2004, and I have had death threats, bullying, and harrassment, and attempted assault, for an on-going basis from lesbians, gay men and GenderQuitters on campus. I consider going to a college, entering a hostile environment.
I have gay men, lesbians, genderquitter seek me out to tell me who am. to say that I am lesbian…funny, I am short, not les. They have TRASHED my good name so badly on campus, that I can’t make any new friends who are guys anymore - I basically the risk isn’t worth it. Dying is not in my book on the list of things to do at college. I talked to a professional regarding this conduct and was told this is bullying and victims being victimiziers. Feel “privileged” “powerful” now, gays, genderquitters?
Hmm…..Gays and Les wine about “privilege”, “rights”…the only thing I see is gays who WERE victims who ONLY care about becoming to next bully, the next murderer.
Lesbians…why do they want MEN to be part of the “powder room girls”? For one thing, I have erections…I am a man. I have read in the local newspaper and the net that lesbians NEED that “man” or “muscline woman” to do the grunt work of protection service, van mover, and the legal bruiser in court for the girls - can you say helpless?? - but they no interest in the “the man who is heterosexual”, or the “musclince woman” for relationships, for sex, or for anything that is not task oriented. Sorry lesbians….hate het men? or hate females that don’t look like your “Alpha Femme Ideal” - get off your butt and do the work yourself.
The funninest thing about this is, I am man who had ALWAYS voted for rights of the minorities, and NEVER stood for discrimination. Boy, if this is how you treat friends, and allies - I hate to see how you treat your enemies. How did you get the current rights in the first place - an overwhelming majority of straight people who voted for elected representives to change the laws in the first place.
Memo to those who slept through US History/US Gov’t Class. Those take away the rights and liberties of others, deserve none - please take note - what you do to others will be done to you.
I great respect for het and bi females, other straight guys at who have supported me during this high stress times. I salute you. For the one lesbian, and the one gay man who understood that I am man and nothing else- thank you.
I will end here with that I never hated you, and as a group, the majority view on my campus is les-gay. There is hatred towards me, a straight man…so, therefore I will make sure with every legal means necessary to preserve my safety.
I don’t hate you, I don’t have any negative feelings towards you - ZERO….I am walking away from you.
Thank you Damn Straight for providing a webspace to talk Truth to Bullies.
Sincerely,
A Straight Dude
Dear Abigail,
I found your article on heterophobia fascinating, as it is refreshing to obtain a heterosexual person’s perspective on how heterophobia affects their life.
I completely understand why homosexuals have such strong views on heterophobia in America, as gay-oppression seems to be part and parcel of coming out in the States, it’s not surprising people are bloody p*****d off that a heterosexual may jump on the oppression band-wagon.
As an out dyke in Manchester, UK, it is completely alien to me that I would not be (mostly) accepted and welcomed by the straight community. Unfortunately, because of these freedoms we homosexuals have in England (such as gay marriage and laws against discrimmination), heterophobia is much more damaging as it has more of an impact due to the nearing equality we have to our straight counterparts.
I also sympathise with your mums, because who wouldn’t be annoyed if a man broke their little girl’s heart, whether they are gay parents or not?
Anyway, my point is just tolerance, from BOTH sides. Straight-bashing, queer-bashing, it all breeds annimosity. Just because you’re in a minority doesn’t make hate OK.
Best wishes for the future,
Alex xx