Feb 27th, 2001
MBLGTACC 2001 - Not everybody wants to add “Allies”
For those of you not familiar with the acronym, it stands for Midwest Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Ally College Conference. And it was pulled off without a hitch February 16-18. A Big Gay “Thank-You” to the Big Gay Staff at U of Illinois Champaign-Urbana for working so hard to make the conference a success. More than 1000 students from across the Midwest!
This year the “A” was added to recognize the contributions of straight allies to the movement. I was invited to open the conference with my talk, “Gimme an A! - Identifying Allies Among Family, Friends, and the Moveable Middle.”
Before the lecture, I was honored to be introduced by Candace Gingrich. She surprised us all with a quick stop on her way to another LGBT college conference in California that same weekend.
During the Q & A segment, only one person questioned whether it was right for allies to be included — I actually had expected more resistance than that. But throughout the weekend, individuals approached me privately to talk about their discomfort in having straight people at the conference. I can’t even guess how many other people at the conference disagreed with bringing allies into “safe space,” but just didn’t say anything to me.
What do you think? Is there a place for straight allies in the GLBT movement? Food for thought at your next GLBT or GLBTA gathering.
I went last year in St. Cloud, MN and enjoyed myself immensely, and learned a lot and made some connections.
But I’m straight. Er, well, mostly. Enough that out of the alphabet soup of queerdom, I usually go with A. Anyway, I have to say that I let myself pass at this conference. I wasn’t there to exert my opinion, moslty I just listened. I was an onlooker. Now I’m wondering whether or not I should have been there at all. That conference was not for me, and as an activist in the feminist movement, I understand perfectly well the concept of Safe Spaces. And I invaded one. It seems always to come down to the same question, in no matter what movement you’re talking about: the political vs. the personal.
Politically, the GLBT movement gained by my presence. I went away more informed and inspired to contiue my activism. Yet, on a more personal level for the LBGT community, my presense in those workshops, had I been wearing a “straight” sign around my neck, could have greatly disrupted what I saw going on there. There is nothing like coming together in a place where you are safe to talk about nearly anything and everything, and to feel the momentum of those around you. Awesome. And I have the power to fuck that up immensely.
Perhaps I should have stayed away. Or maybe at this particular conference, which for young people is as much about community building and affirmation as gaining political savoir faire, allies should take a back seat. I don’t think their presense shoule be explicitly forbidden, but I don’t feel that allies need to be coddled and patted on the back at every opportunity. In my opinion, their participation in the MBLGTA(?)CC conference should be a tacit one. Certainly there are other venues where allies can and rightly do play a greater role.
Alright, thanks for reading. That’s just my extemporaneous reply…your words inspired me!
i am an ally that got introduced to the cause via the conference at u of i. i would love to write a short essay on why it is important to include allies in the title. i was very surprised to read that some people were uncomfortable with it. more than preach about how important allies are for the entire cause (since i don’t know much about it yet) i thought maybe i could just write about what i learned from the conference, how it impacted me (and it did, considerably). let me know what you think!
I attended MBLGTACC this year and I was pleased overall with the organization of such a large event. I personally have worked in organizing such conferences and I know how difficult it can be to accomodate everyone’s needs. I was, however, displeased at reading in your newsleter that there is even a debate as to whether allies should have been included. Although I am not familiar with the reasons some feel that allies should not be allowed to attend the conference and I respect those opinions, I completely disagree.
How can we fight for liberation and legitimization if we too cannot be inclusive of ALL? To leave allies out is hypocritical. I am sorry to critisize the gay community, but for a community who strives for inclusivity, we continually try to EXCLUDE people of color, transgendered individuals, women, and now allies. We’re just not getting it! If we’re going to get anything done, we need to learn how to unite, not segregate!
Galen
MBLGTACC2001 attendee
University of Iowa
This disturbs me. I am a Straight Ally. I don’t know that there is a defining moment when i became one, but i can’t ever remember not being one. I am a very active volunteer for a local gay youth group here in peoria; i am their volunteer coordinator and vice president of their board of directors.
I guess i take offense when gay people (some) say they don’t think we (allies) belong at a GAY conference. how do you expect me to be an ally for the GLBTQI community if you won’t let me learn about some of the issues that present themselves to GLBTQI people????? (that “you” wasn’t meant to be a personal attack…) this may sound harsh, but excuse me whan i say that the GLBT movement wouldn’t be half as far along today if there where no allies. the GLBTQI community NEEDS people like me. for instance i can approach the far rights about a GLBTQI issue far better than a GLBT person can…not because i am me and i rock and you are you and you don’t…but because i am straight and the far right will more likely see me as less of a threat. you can’t have an ally without allowing for people to be educated. allies are people who have opened their mind enough to see beyond the gayness. I, as a straight person, need to discuss issues relating to the GLBTQI community just as much as a GLBTQI person does…because if i don’t and i just wait for the information to eventually come and find me, i’ll be old and gray and shriveled up before i see any of it. I am straight, yes. and i am proud to be an ally. i will forever be an ally. asking me not to attend a confernce on GLBTQI issues is like asking me to disregard myself as an ally. The GLBTQI community will offend many many allies if it asks us to not be part of “their” workshops. Maybe the GLBT community would find more allies if it didn’t focus so much on what is “their” issues…the last time i checked, GLBTQI issues affects all of us, not only GLBTQI people.
Sincerely,
Carrie
As far as allies. I think there is a place for allies and a place for separate space–it all is about the goal of the event/organization etc. If people (organizers/attendees/members etc) know clearly from the beginning the
goals/mission of an event/organization then people can chose whether or not that particular space works for them. I think both working together and separate space are needed. The important thing, is that the intention is clear to people–it needs to be communicated clearly.
I am not articulate now but i think you can get my point.
By the way, I don’t like the word ally (it reminds me of war–which may be why some like it, and it is hard to spell for me :) but I use it cuz I don’t know what else to use–Another word I can’t stand: queer.
I would like to end on a positive note since I just talked about words I don’t like: hmm words I like: pizza, community, activism, breakfast, families like mine, family, art, coffee, ha ha, i am like this when i get up…
Peace,
sarah
Just thought I’d give you my opinion on the whole ally ordeal. Any support, whether it be from fellow queers. straight, or bi-sexual people is good support. Allies everywhere are setting a good example for the rest of our society. Don’t fear the queers! I think having them at the midwest conference, (which I personally attended), was a big step. And including them in the MBGLT… etc….etc…. is simply a way to show our appreciation. I think that for us NOT to allow them into the conference would be really destructive. Any form of prejudice is a bad thing… and not allowing them to attend isn’t exactly being accepting. Allies are good. Queers are good. Let us flock together and unite!
Thanks for keeping us posted. The conference was great, and the inclusion of our ally friends shows growth and support from those who love and care about us and our rights, they are our friends, family members, co-workers, etc. There are some unusually cool straights that have done alot for our community.
Abigail, I don’t know how your posting got onto the PERSON project digest, but I found it very interesting, and would like to comment about participation by allies.
From 1984 to 1998 I was active in the Rhode Island Alliance for Lesbian and Gay Civil Rights. We got a pretty good comprehensive gay-rights bill in 1995, and in 1998, our unusually punitive (seven years’ sentence minimum) “sodomy” law was finally removed from the criminal code. So we were pretty successful, and one source of our success was the participation by allies.
When I was Treasurer of the Alliance, I started receiving small contributions from a nurse down in Newport who had designed a pin with the message “I’m Straight But Not Narrow”, and was sending us all the proceeds she got from the sales. Later she founded a group called the Straight But not Narrow Coalition which was an active lobbyist for our cause in the State House. A cofounder was a grandmotherly lady in her sixties or seventies with two lesbian daughters, who absolutely was our secret weapon in lobbying the legislators. She was so sweet and persistent that no legislator could turn away from her. She shortened our fight for the gay-rights bill by several years, everyone acknowledges it. This woman was also active in religious affairs, sitting on a committee of the Rhode Island Council of Churches, and was instrumental in bringing in a raft of ministers to speak in favor of the bill: it passed the legislature when we got more ministers, almost all straight, speaking for the bill than there were ministerial opponents of justice.
I’m sure that you know that nobody gets applause at gay-pride marches as loud as received by PFLAG — those people standing by the sidelines of the march recognize the importance of allies, and I think that the few people who complained to you were neither representative nor reasonable.
Keep up the good work.
I like to think of myself as a straight ally to the GLBT communities but then read this in one of Abigail’s columns about being adult children of gay parents:
I don’t really fit into any real catagory - no one in my family is gay or lesbian; I am not a child of a GLBT parent; and my daughter is only 18 months old and hasn’t voiced her orientation yet. BUT, I want her to know that not everyone has a mom and a dad like she does and that it is good to have different kinds of family experiences. I would like for her to feel comfortable around men and women who hold hands with each other like her parents do. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable around transgendered people and to have a ready vocabulary for that which is not a part of her everyday experiences. I suppose I should hunt around for a gay uncle somewhere ….
We have a number of gay and lesbian friends who are fairly visible in her young life (mostly babysitting!) but without a blood relative, we usually feel a little awkward and somewhat unwelcome at the Pride festival and other GLBT events. And then your comments made me feel even more unwelcome. Should we continue to attempt to be a supportive presence (albeit straight) or stay home until we have a relative in the parade?
Hi Rachel,
I know it is very off putting to be put in an “us” and “them” situation…part of my work is about blurring that line. The quote you pulled has more to do about perception than reality. In queer space, heterosexuals are often assumed to be gawkers, and it is painful for me, after a lifetime of facing homophobia, fearing “them” and thinking of myself as more queer than straight, to be assumed to be a “them” instead of an “us.”
I would like to see the distinction stop being that heterosexuals are the threat, but that *homophobes* are. As you obviously know, not all straight people are homophobes and what we don’t talk about enough is that not all homophobes are straight.
Just by the mere fact that you are checking out the website, reading about these issues and thinking about where you fit in, are all pretty good indicators that you are welcome ally. But that doesn’t stop queer folks from making a split second judgment of you. When people do that to me, I feel awful, but I try to remember that it is a survival tool and to not take it personally. Maybe ask yourself if the discomfort is worth it? Maybe a good learning experience/talking point for you and your child?