Article by Abigail Garner

If Laurie Cicotello’s parents had listened to rhetoric rather than their hearts, they wouldn’t be celebrating their thirty-second wedding anniversary. In 1985, when her dad began to transition from male to female, Laurie’s parents were told they would have to get a divorce.

Laurie’s parents were–and are–still in love, so they held onto to the vows they said on their wedding day. Laurie explains, “That means no one, therapists and politicians included, is allowed to tear their union apart. They remain married in a legal same-sex marriage.”

As the daughter of a transgender parent, Laurie is a seasoned trans activist. Last year, her essay “She’ll Always Be My Daddy” was published in Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up with Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Parents, the first anthology written from the perspectives of sons and daughters. Fifteen years ago, she founded Teenage Kids of T’s, or TAKOTS. Since then, her contact information has been added to resource lists of LGBT groups throughout the country.

But finding children willing or able to contact her has been nearly impossible. Barriers to building a network of children of T’s are many, including non-transgender parents who don’t want their children to be involved in the transgender community.

Of her own experience, Laurie says, “Being involved in transgender activism has helped me meet so many wonderful and beautiful people who have been through so much more than I have.”

But she and her parents have been through their share of challenges. Laurie’s dad was transitioning while Laurie was a teenager, which meant that both parent and child were simultaneously experiencing their own sort of adolescence. Her family became both a symbol of hope and a target of hate in her home state of Colorado during the 1990s, when a statewide anti-same-sex marriage bill was introduced and ultimately became law.

Now 30, Laurie continues to attend trans conferences as the only “child” around. She holds a place in the hearts of many transgender people whose own children wouldn’t dare attend such gatherings. And some transgender parents are not out but still present themselves as their born sex when they are with their children.

Laurie advocates for more dialogue around issues where sexual orientation and gender identity intersect–and she stresses that gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities could all benefit from making more room for trans issues. She says, “Much like with [the Stonewall riots in 1969], it will be gender-variant people who make a difference in the lives of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals.”

One of the ways Laurie thinks that will happen is by transgender people speaking out when they are in legal same-sex marriages. Laurie explains, “It’s my belief we can show the court system that it’s possible to have legal same-sex marriages. After all, they already exist. I know my folks aren’t the only ones out there.”

Originally published in Lavender Magazine.

===

Update: Laurie is one of the adults interviewed in Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS