Jan 26th, 2001
Finding Fuel in the Mainstream
-
Article by Abigail Garner
I recently ventured out of cozy Queerville to dip a toe into the mainstream. A commentary I wrote about gay rights ran in seven major newspapers, including one in the Twin Cities.
The commentary was light-years behind the topics I typically address in the queer press, such as trans rights, custody issues, and ex-gays. My mainstream message seemed so tame that I thought it would go unnoticed. I had said little more than, “Golly, gee, it sure would be swell if the new president were nice to gays.”
But, oh, the buttons I pushed. I received more negative e-mails over three days than I have received in the 18 months since I launched my Web site. While I don’t want to encourage more homophobic e-mails, I just can’t bring myself to refer to them as “hate mail.” I call them “fuel,” because that’s what they are–extra incentives to keep going and to remind me that so much educating is yet to be done.
I won’t share the boring stuff with you because you’ve heard it before. You know: I’m going to hell; I’ve got lots of people praying for my soul; and something about loving the sinner and hating the sin…or is it the other way around?
Below are some stellar bits of fuel along with my fictional responses. Remember, the people who actually take the time to write me are extremists. But that is what makes their e-mails so darn entertaining. Enjoy!
E-mail sender: My experience is that very, very few of the gays or lesbians that I know have children, either through natural birth or adoption. If you get this fact so miserably and obviously wrong, then why should I believe that anything else you wrote is the truth?
Abigail Garner: Good point. Why don’t you ask one of the 1,000 GLBT parents at the upcoming Rainbow Families Conference?
Kids need a mom and dad, both offer very unique views to help form a child, and yes there are plenty of bad mom’s [sic] and dad’s [sic] but it is the only way and has been for many years.
Apparently, your mom and dad offered unique views that helped form you into a bigot with poor command of the English language.
Just because I don’t want gays to be able to adopt or legalize gay marriage doesn’t make me a homophobe. No matter how hard you try, your views will never be seen as normal, so start asking why.
Start asking why? That’s exactly what I’m doing. Whose side are you on?
You have your morals and I have mine, and there are more of mine than of yours. PLEASE do all of us a favor and leave the county or obey the laws of the land.
Wait a minute–how did that playground bully from my fourth-grade class track me down?
I think the more you make the taboo acceptable, the faster this countries [sic] morals continue in a downward spiral.
Gosh, I know. If we don’t nip this in the bud, someday GLBT people will be left alone to live their lives without fear or discrimination. What is this country coming to?
Originally published in Lavender Magazine.
I suspect the lack of serious argument means they don’t have any–and know that they don’t have any–that are publicly defensible. And the letters seem to be getting more strident as the number of gay-hostile people decreases, as the moderate voices increasingly swing to our side, leaving only the venomously anti-gay people to express that side of the issue.
You wrote: “While I don’t want to encourage more homophobic e-mails, I just can’t bring myself to refer to them as “hate mail.” I call them “fuel,” because that’s what they are–extra incentives to keep going and to remind me that so much educating is yet to be done.”
These lines are exactly what I needed to read tonight. Thanks.
Sorry for sounding so radical, but thank you from the bottom of my heart and from all my friends for standing up for us.
How great it would be if the gay community had a celebration of the Righteous Straights like Jews have of the Righteous Gentiles who helped them in their hours of bitterest distress.
Please continue to stand by us in the ucoming four years. We are going to need every friendly voice to help see us through this period.
Thank you….thank you….thank you!
Thank you for your column taking on Dubya! The man scares the socks off of me and none of my x friends, who happen to be Republican, can seem to see what a mean minded bigot he is. He has done precisely what I expected him to do by first attacking a womyn’s right to
choose and then nominating a fundie like Ashcroft. The man is appalling and no one is listening!
Just read your column in Lavender magazine and wanted to tell you how grateful I am for your writing of what must be said. You are so right when you refer to the nasty emails and so forth as fuel versus hate mail. I am a mother of a now 20 year old gay son. I am also an avid activist and I continually get the “fueling” phone calls, emails and regular mail. They as well as the photo of my son’s bloody broken body, a photo taken after his anti-gay assault when he was 16, are my fuel.
I keep that photo on my desk to remind me why I must go on. I am very proud of your work. Just wanted to send you a personal note of gratitude.
Sincerely,
Carolyn
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Fuel? They speak with methane! Keep up the great work you do — they will run outta gas sometime.
Your article was a ray of sunshine for this anxiety-ridden lesbian mother’s heart. (And yes, there’s only one of me . . .)
Thank you so much for allowing me to laugh at the laughable–but unfortunately not terribly funny–bigotry I face every day.
Keep up the great work!
Wonderful responses of yours in Lavender [Don't faint with this POSITIVE response for a change... ] You know, those folks who emailed you that trash must be using quotes from Gary Bauer’s manual of hateful things to say to queers… you go girl…
Richard
Atascadero, CA
Great answers! You GO, girl!