Article by By Abigail Garner

I was amazed to find out that more than 1,000 people attended the recent “ex-gay” conference hosted by Focus on the Family in Arden Hills. Despite the fact that ex-gay “reparative therapy” is not endorsed by any of the professional medical or mental health associations, each conference attendee paid $55 to listen to a full day of homophobic rhetoric.

On a personal level, I have hardly given this debate an ounce of my energy over the years. I grew up understanding that sexual orientation is as basic to human beings as gender identity or ethnicity. My gay dad’s suppression of his same-sex orientation did not make him heterosexual. It only made him married.

Regardless of the fact that I have personally chosen to ignore the “ex-gay” movement, I do acknowledge that it is hurtful to many GLBT people and their families. Particularly vulnerable are those who feel isolated or those who doubt their own self-worth as they struggle with the barrage of antigay rhetoric they face. As a result, the suggestion that God, their family, and their community will love them more if they become heterosexual can sound very enticing.

I was there for the demonstration at 7 AM on the morning of the conference. I was impressed by the nearly 200 people who actually chose to trade in prime sleeping hours for early Saturday morning activism. Demonstrators carried signs with messages such as, “God loves you just the way you are” and “Love your kids.”

PFLAG parents were among the demonstrators. Their presence is especially important in this struggle because the ex-gay movement places bogus blame on parents for pushing their children toward homosexual tendencies.
And there was at least one formerly straight spouse demonstrating that morning. Mom and I later joked that she should have carried a sign that said, “Reparative therapy doesn’t work–just ask my gay ex-husband.”

This is a delicate struggle, because the ones who are delivering these messages of homophobia are gay and lesbian people who are in a great deal of pain. How much internalized homophobia and self-loathing must a person feel in order to be willing to endure such spiritual abuse? How desperate must families be to actually believe that their gay or lesbian loved ones can turn heterosexual if only they would pray harder or show more faith in God?

So-called “recovering homosexuals” who feel they will find happiness and spiritual fulfillment through “freedom from homosexuality” are on the wrong side of the struggle. As for the ex-gays who are able to find the courage to ultimately accept themselves and declare themselves ex-ex-gays, they need to know that we will welcome them back with support and compassion. Then they can join the GLBT community in the true struggle for freedom–not freedom from homosexuality, but freedom from homophobia.

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